Monday, June 16, 2008

Quoi d'enfer?

So an update to the sappy, "I miss having this guy around" post: he's totally insane.

I kinda thought this was just a facet of his personality, but now I'm thinking it's pretty much the whole thing.

You ask for proof? Proof you shall receive.

Let's pick a name for him, why don't we? As my friend Chirbs said when I told her about this bloke, "look at peacebone, robbing the coffin," I will now refer to him as Mr. Coffin.

So up until Friday evening, I thought he was busy moving to California and thinking about his next life step, yada yada yada. Over the course of two different accounts, this is what I came to find out about Mr. Coffin:
  • Wednesday of last week, he did indeed set out from the lovely Baton Rouge to drive to California, I can only assume he had tons of shit in his car and some kind of loose plans lined up for when he got there.
  • He reaches Austin, that fine bastion of indie cred tucked into the state that declares to not mess with it on litter bags at rest stops, and decides that he's not going to move to California after all. So he turns around and heads back to Baton Rouge
  • as far as I know, he's currently staying with his 22 year old nephews at their apartment
  • the plan for his life as of now is evidently to go to Germany for a short period of time (I assume this is to do research on this book about WWII that he was talking about wanting to write. I'm just gonna go ahead and say it now: "never gonna happen")
  • hold on, keep reading, the funny part has not happened yet
  • So Thursday, he's in Baton Rouge, hanging out with people half his age
  • he and one of his nephews decides to go to George's, the gay bar underneath I-10 by Pastime
  • Mr. Coffin proceeds to get so intoxicated that his last memory is taking a shit on the curb outside of George's. I assume it was witnessed by the nephew and various horrified bystanders
  • just wait, it gets better
  • his next memory is waking up (who knows where) with a condom on his netherlands. He has no idea how it got there or if (or how many times) it was used.
So, needless to say, we are so done with him. Thank Jesus I didn't sleep with that person. I think I'm going to need to set an age limit, maybe 30 and below for now.

Mon dieu.

Good riddance, I have a possible date tonight (he might be gay or really eager, we'll see) and then I get to see David Sedaris, my favorite living writer, on Wednesday! Yipee!

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