inside joke

Wacom Tablet Reloaded

You're drunk and acting tough.

I'm a quitter. By Natalie Dee.

I quit blogging. and more importantly - I quit grad school.

It was really more of a damage control thing than anything else... But I can get into that later.

the important thing - is that I am now a scientist for a Fortune 500 company making consumer products - which is where I always wanted to end up - and i have arrived.

My life is infinitely better than it was in graduate school. I am amazed at this - at the fact that your environment can influence you that much. I had always been of the mindset that who I am internally has more influence on me than my surroundings... but I guess I can see that both matter to some extent.

I also have a new belief in Luck. In graduate school I was unlucky and unsuccessful. I also think that the professors that I worked for are dumb. Now, I find myself in a new situation, still working out new technology, but I am already wildly successful. It has got to be luck that I have ended up here - and that the senior scientist that I am working with is smart. Smarter than most of the professors I knew in graduate school.

And although I have been away from blogging on the internet, I have still been on the internet.

This video by Alain De Botton (scroll to the end of the post) resonated with me.

Leaving my program with out a Ph.D. was hard for my identity. So much of who I was- was wrapped up in getting a PhD and staying in graduate school at all costs.

It was easy for me to physically leave - because I have this gift of seeing the truth of situations - and I knew I was being forced out.

And the most important thing I learned in graduate school is that a Ph.D. doesn't mean anything. Lazy idiots can have them, hard working idiots can have them, etc. It doesn't even distinguish if you can think or not.

My manager said to me about me "she acts like she has a PhD" meaning I can think, and come up with new technologies, and design experiments, etc. I just don't have the stamp.

(And for the record, yes I did leave with a Masters, but it is still quitting in my eyes.)

Hello again, blogging world.

paging all penguins

Hey Ladies and Gentleman!

Greetings from the brink. Shit's been hectic the past couple months. I'm assuming we all can relate what with the lack of activity over the past four months or so.
I finally finished my teacher certification program and am eagerly awaiting the arrival of one, shining, glorious piece of paper. The certification itself. The crowning glory. The cherry atop the heap of steaming crap that my life has been since beginning the ordeal of getting it. Any day now.
So, things have really changed in ole Skuh's world and will only serve to change more. (This is awesomely promising and hopeful.) At the end of my student teaching experience -- which was bananas, what with four months of twelve hour work days -- I moved out of the loggin, cause shit got real, I guess you could say. There was strife with the family who owns the property, so I decided to get the hell out of dodge so as to free up some space for them and resentment for me. Which means that I am back living where the west begins with the parentals. BUT. And this is a BIG BUT (heheh) I will very shortly be picking up and moving out to Chattanooga, Tennessee to see what that corner of the (not so) south has to offer. Which means, among other things, that I'll be within visiting-Fermi range. And in the midst of some most excellent hiking trails and other outdoorsy activities that white people (like me) so love to do. I've got a job lined up with the Sylvan out that way, which should make for an easier transition. I've been fretting about finding other employment once there, but have decided forthwith to cut that shit out. I'm smart, capable and qualified to lots of things and I KNOW that I will find a substantial source of income once I'm there. I'll be living with my brother and his *swoon* AMAZING puppy dawg, in his impossibly cute neighborhood. His house is nestled on this block that seriously could be out of the textbook of American dreams . . . lots of trees, which make for dappled sunlight, and neighbors who bake cookies n shit for each other during the holidays. Oh, and the hills! How I love the hills, hills, hills. They are just what my exercise-deprived body, mind and spirit have been aching for!
Yes, dear penguins, Skuh is moving out and on. But Chattanooga, I foresee, shan't be the last stop. Nope, not at all. I have a feeling that I am about to set off to see the world. To embark on an epic journey that will last for years and years and take me to all locations imaginable. I've been applying for teaching assistantships in Europe and I'll keep you posted as to who wins in the fight: my application to teach in Germany or my application to teach in Austria. If it's a tie, the victor shall probably be Germany. If it's a wash, then I'll apply for some other program, like JET, or *fingers crossed* maybe I'll get offered a sweet job from my old language school in Germersheim and then I'll start my graduate studies. The possibilities are endless, and I'm just so pleased that I can say that about my life. It's a blessing which I fully acknowledge and hereby choose this venue to shout from the rooftops that I am a grateful lady! Twenty-ten be lookn HOTT ;)
Those are my headlines, mistresses. What are yours??

Blue Jean Bandito

Last week was rough. I think that 9/11 post was more of me processing "what am I doing with my life" than anything else. That was me in work-a-holic mode -- and I need to get away from that if I can.

I was doing better previously- doing 30 min of cardio every other day - seeing my husband more days than not...

And I need to get back there.

Saturday (Yesterday) I slept until 5 pm.

And today I am going to work.

Yesterday I had to go up to the lab to start an overnight culture for me to work with today...

It was 830 pm- I didn't think any of the girls I work with would be there- so I just wore the clothes I had on-

There was a girl there.

And she said to me: "Fermi, I don't think I've ever seen you wear blue jeans before."

The truth is - it has been 9 or 9.5 years since I've worn denim.

I got 2 pairs of jeans about 2 weeks ago- and I like them.

But since I haven't owned or wore any for so long - I just know there will be comments.

And avoiding comments has been one of my previous goals.

But I am thinking of wearing them on Tuesday.

Because I like them.

And I have to wear pants on Tuesday because I teach.

So I might say fuck it to the comments- and just break them in.

If my health was my first priority

How would I be living differently if my Health was my first priority?

This is a question posed at The Happiness Project Blog. It is supposed to help people make changes in their lives I think.

My answer to the question is easy:

I would exercise 2 hours a day and 3 hours a day on alternating days.

1 hour walking

1 hour weights

1 hour yoga

or

1 hour walking

1 hour yoga

I would sleep 10 hours every night.

I would drink 2 Liters of Water a day.

I would get 50% of my daily caloric intake from fresh and frozen fruits and veggies.

I would eat fish - cooked at home - 3 times a week.

My life is nothing like this. It won't change twards this anytime soon, because my health is not my first priority. Sure- I wash my hands often- I don't party all night- I don't want to get the flu - and I try to find some meat/protein and some plant product to eat on a daily basis. (I have a normal BMI and am probably healthier than 50% of Americans my age.) That is about all my health gets right now.

My true priority is getting out of graduate school with a PhD. Sooner rather than later. Sooner might be 6 full years total. That would be almost 3 full years from now. And I am working as hard as I can.

Here is a list of my priorities:

1) get out of grad school with PhD

2) Keep my 2 pet dogs alive and somewhat healthy

3 and 4) me and husband time for us together or time for him or time for me. This alternates depending on the week.

5) sleep

6) find food to eat

This list was easy to make because I just look at how I spend my time:

11 to 13 hours a day working at work.- I don't read blogs or chat or call or text or anything.

I just work. I don't take lunch breaks etc- I just work until I cant stand it because I am so hungry and then i find some bread and milk at my desk. I eat for 5 minutes and continue working.

1 hour commuting. 30 min door to door each way.

1 hour dogs. Feed AM and PM walk a short walk PM.

2 hours - eating at home, 1st breakfast, last dinner, showering, getting dressed, playing on internet, reading blogs, reading cook books

7 hours sleeping

-------

Sometimes I sleep for 6 hours and food shop for one hour.

Sometimes I sleep 8 hours and see my husband for one hour.

Sometimes I see my husband for 15 minutes.

Sometimes I spend more time at home answering emails to my students about their lab reports.

Sometimes if I don't get home too late I will try to cook some chicken in the oven because on the one day I made it to the food store they did not have a rotissery chicken I could buy and I can't find any meat.

Sometimes I will talk to my mom on the phone for 15 minutes. I try to talk to her once a week.

--

I don't think the "health as your first priority" question really applies to anyone who actually WORKS hard for more than 11 hours a day - and wants to bathe and sleep some and find some food to eat.

I guess during my 2 hours a day where I eat and groom and play on the internet I read self-improvement blogs and find out how I can't use their tips in my life if I am still going to work hard at graduate school.

whatever.

New Years Resolutions Fall 09

This Week, school started on my campus. The beginning of the fall semester resonates even more with me as a fresh start than January 1st.

Here are some resolutions:
1) Walk 30 min every day for 21 days
21 days because that is how long it takes to form a habit. And I need to get back into the habit of cardiovascular workouts. 21 days in a row was the ideal, although today is Day 6 and I have walked 5 days (including today). I didn't walk yesterday because my experiments lasted too long and I was sleepy in the morning from having watched CHOPPED- this awesome Food Network at Night reality TV show. It is a cooking competition where you get some odd ingredients in your basket - (Celery for dessert) and the chefs are timed with how they make their meals.
4 contestants start.
20 min and for an appetizer.
one contestant gets eliminated.
3 contestants and 30 min for an entree.
2 contestants and 30 min for a dessert.
and one winner.

This is BRILLIANT because the best part of all reality shows is the elimination, and in ONE show you get THREE Eliminations! And you get to see some creative cooking puzzles.

Back to the resolutions:
Walking 30 min because I am so out of shape that this is a good workout for me. I do go at a 7.5 to 8.0 level incline on the treadmill and as fast as I can 3.4 to 3.9 speed so I get a good workout for my current fitness level.

I think I will get myself a *prize* after 21 days of walking even if I can't get them all in a row.


2) Work Less
If all of our readers haven't already left for good- you may have noticed that I haven't been doing much of the blogging lately.
I haven't been doing much of anything other than working.
At my peak it was 70-73 hours a week AT WORK. That counts walking into my desk/bench and out- no commute, no working from home included.

Right- that is a bit much if you want to nourish ANYTHING else in your life and get sleep.
Sleep is a must for me as my brain goes to mush without it- and as it turns out- nourishing your body, and your relationship with your spouse and dogs help you to enjoy life more.
Imagine that.
So now my limit is 60 hours a week.
The only drawback to this is that I fear the amount of time I will be in graduate school. Sure it won't be forever- but it seems like it has been already.

3) Have a nice house
By house I mean apartment, and by nice I mean somewhat clean and not full of crap that I don't need.
I have started this by trying to clean up some - and by taking 2 Camry Trunk-fulls to the goodwill drop off. I need to take some more. I got rid of lots of crap that we had inherited from our families and friends. (13 piece nativity set, anyone?)
Also I got rid of any clothes that I cant imagine fitting into again (From 8th grade before puberty widened my hip bones.) And clothes that are worn out and don't look nice, or clothes that do look nice but I cannot imagine myself ever wearing.

Worn out clothes = LOTS of Natalie Dee T- shirts. I might do a post about this later on.
I had been keeping the shirts for sentimental value, and because I love the artwork- although I rode public transit and sweated alot in the shirts so there are nasty arm pit marks on them. Yes- I should not wear these.

Do goodwill people care about arm pit marks on t shirts?

So I took some digital photos of shirts that were painful for me to get rid of, and the Husband was looking through them and was very alarmed and distraught about the fact that I had taken these shirts to goodwill.

Still I think this will help my apartment be more livable and be filled with less crap.

Have you noticed that Natalie Dee has been not putting out new shirts since her baby has been born? Sure- they are probably hella busy but she used to have new shirts all the time. and now I KNOW they reprinted anxiety girl and the will knit for tattoos because I am a long term ND fan who is a ND shirt fan no longer.