Sunday, March 30, 2008

Making Out

This is from PostSecret this week.

Friday, March 28, 2008

the train from Kansas City

Having an entire week off from work gives you A LOT of free time. And aside from committing to a grad school in Virginia (something I hesitate to mention due to Fermi's post with a lot of grad animosity) and turing in my application for the Peace Corps, I've been delightfully lazy.

Mostly, I've watched a lot of tv. That brings me to my next topic of discussion. Does anyone actually watch A Baby Story on TLC? Maybe I'm just cold-hearted, but I don't see the appeal, and therefore don't see why What Not to Wear or Cash Cab isn't on instead. Although Cash Cab might be on Discovery. Oh well. The point is, I'm not interested in seeing childbirth. Especially not the childbirth of strangers.

Another fun thing I've done has been to cook this amazing french dish called choucroute. It is a dish from the Alsace region of France, which has played something of a geographical musical chairs with France and Germany, so there is a lot of German influence. The kind my mom and I made last night had sauerkraut, kielbasa (polish sausage), venision sausage (couldn't leave out the coon ass), ham hock, candian bacon, regular bacon, onions, butter, potatoes, apples, and white wine. To season it, I made a little sac of spices in cheesecloth with juniper berries, peppercorn, bay leaves, thyme, and caraway seeds. It was a delightful mini-dinner party. It made me miss being in France a lot.

The last thing I've been doing to excess is looking at That stuff is hilarious.

funny pictures
see more crazy cat pics

2 days late with my written part.

Tonight I was at work until 11:30 pm. Around 11, one of my old undergrads who used to work in our lab "Mary" saw me at my desk and came by to say hello. Part of our conversation:

Me: What are you doing when you graduate?
Mary: I've decided to go to Med School.
Me: Oh! That is Fabulous!
Mary: Good, I am glad you think so, I've been getting mixed responses.
Me: That's just because those people don't know how much grad school sucks. I mean Med School has GOT to be better than grad school.
Mary: That's what I was thinking! Except you have to deal with cadavers. But I think I can get over that.

One way you can tell you are growing (mentally/emotionally/whatever) is that you start to have different opinions than you had before based on some current experience. My current experience is that I am working too much, and my boss is an asshole.

Let's Recap this week:
Good Friday: Work 4 hours, Panic about Oral Exam: 8 hours
Holy Saturday: Work 4 hours, Panic about Oral exam: 8 hours
Easter Sunday: Work 8 hours.
Monday: Work 9 hours.
Tuesday: Work 9 hours.
Wednesday: Work 11 hours. + 1 hour of counciling to help me deal with my boss-hatred
Thursday: (Today) Work 13.5 hours.

Today I finished the written part of my oral exam.
Suggested Length: 10-15 pages. + works cited
My Length: 15 pages + 2 sentences.
Works Cited: 73
It is kick ass and crappy at the same time.
More kick ass than crappy though.

Now I just have to study and fix my powerpoint slides.

It has got to be easier the second time if I fail this time.
I tell people that and they tell me that I won't fail.
heh. like most things now: I will believe it when I see it.
I have been hardend by the world.
I have zero faith.

If I fail I will be slightly embarressed. But I will know that it is just an initiation game.
Currently I have zero experience at initiations.
I was never in a sorority.
I didn't even joing Girls Service Club.
Partly because I am too independant
and partly because of the initiation.

I don't care anymore though.
Academia is just a game.
Its time for me to get some sleep.

Thursday, March 27, 2008


i just spent 45 minutes on the phone with a cdc representative trying to get data i need for research- it was rather frustrating because the person they put me on the phone with was not familiar at all with the data i'm using, and therefore had no idea what i was even talking about. i think he finally understood my question, and hopefully my looooooooong phone call will come through and i'll get my data!

my days are still crazy- in the next 3 weeks i have 3 original research papers due (one of which i will continue to work on through the summer most likely), 2 presentations, 2 data collection projects, 2 wedding showers, 2 wedding photography sessions, and quite a few tutoring sessions sprinkled in there somewhere. granted, the wedding stuff is actually really fun for me, so i won't complain. the main issue is finding the time to fit everything in! tutoring is nothing to complain about either since i do it by choice, and it's an easy way to make some extra money. i like the one-on-one aspect, and usually i can actually help someone understand some economics. and i'm a big nerd, so that's very fun for me :)

now i'm off to an exciting hour and a half of growth theory.....wish me luck!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Biggie Sized Playhouse

3BR/2Ba single family home. Quiet neighborhood. Located in cul-de-sac. Huge fenced yard. Huge master closet. Completely remodelled. Open floor plan. $xxx,xxx. Please contact _______ for more information.

And so the four month long house hunt finally ended... with the perfect house! On February 29th, my boyfriend and I moved into "our first house." We will have 2 roommates for the next couple of years until we get married, but this is it. Our house.

I feel like I'm playing grown-up in a biggie sized playhouse. We wake up together every morning, shower, and drink coffee. I cook dinner at night and do laundry weekly. I shopped for couches, and end tables, and curtains. I bought hammocks for the backyard. I spent my hard earned loan money on a vacuum cleaner. You know you are growing up when you start buying vacuum cleaners.

We have routines and responsibilities, and when I think about it, I start to feel like a real grown-up-- the kind of grown-up I couldn't wait to be when Barbie was fixing dinner for Ken. I'm not quite the adult I dreamed of when the Cabbage Patch kids needed bottles and diaper changes, but that future is not so far away either. Being unmarried and being in school keep me from feeling too much like an adult, but I'm certainly in that transitional phase. I'm finally becoming who I want to be-- as a wife, a mother, a friend, a daughter, a sister, and a physician.
Every day, I come home to this playhouse, and every day I feel more excited about growing up. I love the life that we have together and the prospect of our future. I love playing housewife in this perfect house. OUR perfect house.

However, I also love having fun roommates that are a blast to be around. I love being young and having everything in the world to look forward to. I love being at a point in my life that I'm finally close enough to actually see my career ahead. I love being a mom to my puppies. I love being in a relationship that I don't make excuses for. I love finally feeling some sense of maturity while still having so much youth.

I love this transitional point in my life. I love growing up.

And I LOVE LOVE LOVE my biggie sized playhouse.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Pink Bubbly Goodness

Currently I am enjoying the pink bubbly goodness that is diet cherry 7up. I think I have a cold or something. I have a runny nose and I feel so exhausted, too exhausted to think, which is odd.

I worked nonstop for 10 days. I thought nonstop about science. And now, my body says no. The good news is that I am excited about my thesis project for the first time ever. This also might be the first time I actually know what my thesis project is supposed to be about, which is also a good thing, but I am concerned because I don't know everything about my thesis project yet, and I am afraid that my committee will expect me to know everything on April 2nd.

What is April 2nd? It's my PhD candidacy exam. From 9 am until 11 am I will be in a conference room with the 5 professors on my committee: 2 Analytical Chemists, 2 Biochemists (one biophysical, one organic), and 1 Mechanical Engineer. I give a 15 min presentation and then they can ask me anything they want. My presentation is 50% about my thesis and research completed to date, and 50% about my original proposal: an idea that I come up with myself. (In my department, my thesis is whatever my boss tells me my thesis will be. The original proposal is my chance to show that I can think for myself.)

I have given 2 practices so far mostly on my original proposal and everyone (including my boss and group members) think it is a really good idea, so that is good. But I have 15 pages to write before Monday, and I have tons of mechanisms and biochem to learn. Did I mention that I really don't know anything about biochemistry?

Tomorrow is Good Friday. At the grocery store I look at the chocolate bunnies and think about getting one for us to share. They look so wonderful in the store, but I know that if I eat a chocolate bunny it will just make my face break out and I will feel mostly unsatisfied. There is something about non-nutritious food that I am just not into right now.

Fucking amino acids. I have no idea what their pKas are!

I have been thinking alot about materialism lately. Jips and I went to Ikea on a previous weekend and it was what I imagine going to hell would be like. That is materialism in the worst sense. I don't think all material things are bad though.

I will leave you with my LIST OF GOOD THINGS:

Chips and Salsa
Purple Velcro Shoes
Giraffe Purses

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

today has been ok

Well, I have to make a confession, part of why I want to post is because I'm a little disturbed by the dead baby bird next to what I can only assume is doggy poop. Sorry Fermi, I don't share that particular obsession.

News on the deodorant front: I found one that I really liked. And to top it all of, it was something of an accident. Or maybe it was providence. Manifest Destiny. The pilgrims set me on a path to discover this pit balm . . . or maybe not.

Round about Mardi Gras time I was chillin' in Lafayette and went to Target to investigate buying new deodorant. I bought two kinds, a Dove and this "natural deodorant." I immediately cast aside the natural stuff in favor of the Dove since I figured it would work better. I used that for a while and it was no good. It didn't smell good, it didn't stop sweat, and my pits felt gross. There always seemed to be a never-ending residue under my arms that even made my pajamas smell weird (not like b.o., just unpleasant). So I went to the store and got a Mitchum, the scent was called rosepetal. Yeah, there's intentionally no space there. More than one person has pronounced it as "row-sep-it-uhl." And while a grammatically incorrect deodorant scent is amusing, it evidently doesn't do much for me.

So in a last ditch effort, I reclaimed the natural deodorant that had been so carelessly strewn aside. Wonder of all wonders: it works SO WELL. It has no anti-perspirant (no aluminum either) and it smells pretty good and I actually sweat less. It supposedly works with lichen, which I'm pretty sure is some kind of blight on trees, but it's no blight on the peacebone.

Here's a photo

This is the lavender scented one, I have aloe but I want to try lavender since it's like the national scent of France.

Anyway, I have to say I am quite pleased.

Ps: does everyone think I'm now a low-level advertising employee?

Saturday, March 15, 2008

this I know ... for the Bible tells me so

Can you see this dead baby bird? He is really small. (You can tell because of the size of the blades of grass.) I found him on a dog walk because Dog 2 pooped right next to him! I think dead birds are really neat because you can finally see them up close. I just thought I would share.

Jips and I saw Horton Hears a Who last weekend. It was very well done, I recommend that everyone go to see it.

The main message of the film was this: If you believe in something you should say what you believe and stick to it. When the situation arises where Authority and/or The Masses give you the choice of
(a) sticking to your belief and facing persecution
(b) denying your belief
you should choose (a). I found this message to be very disturbing. I know that the message has the best of intentions but I believe that there are cases where you should take choice (b) and deny your belief. The film's message is too black and white, and in real life, gray will get you further.

Example 1.0 : Let's assume you believe your boss is an immoral idiot, but the boss likes you. It is smarter to not tell anyone what you really think of your boss.

Maybe that isn't the exact same type of case.

Example 2.0: Let's say you are a young girl in Bible school. You believe that Jesus is a hoax. The teacher wants everyone to sing Jesus Loves Me. You could (a) throw a fit, cry, etc. refuse to sing because Jesus is fake and the Bible school teacher is trying to trick everyone, or you could (b) sing the song.

In my experience, singing Jesus Loves Me went against what was in my heart, but it would have been a smarter political move than crying and telling my Bible school teacher that I hated her because she was trying to trick me into believing in Jesus.

So how should we choose our battles as adults? How many things can we lie to Authority about before we start to become the person we are pretending to be? Is this the start of a double life? Or is it just what normal people do all the time?

Friday, March 14, 2008

A Different Kind of Valentine

It has been exactly one month since the chocolate candies, red roses, sappy cards, and heart pendants left the storefront windows. A month since every fine dining restaurant in every major city was booked full for dinner, and tables were set with candles and roses. Meals were 6 courses and bottles of champagne and wine were flowing like water. And every man in America felt the need to make the evening special for his woman.

The constant battle of "Valentine's Day-- the romantic holiday" vs. "Valentine's Day-- the Hallmark holiday" is not the subject of this post. Rather, a few years ago, a friend of mine introduced me to a movement that has been considered Valentine's twin brother. The idea is that your man put every effort into making Feb 14 special for you, making reservations at your favorite restaurant, wracking his brain for the perfect gift, and taking you home at night for the most passionate love-making you could imagine. So, it's payback time. It's your turn to put out the effort and show him that you love and appreciate him every ounce as much as he does you.

But what do men want? Not flowers or candies or sappy cards (though neither do I, but that's a whole different story). No, it's no secret what men love. And so the site was created, to spread the word that men themselves deserve a day of pampering. I think it's pretty self explanatory about what they might want instead of flowers and candy.


I find the whole idea amusing. I don't really buy into the whole Valentine's Day thing, but it sure is nice to get taken out to dinner and to spend the night remembering why you chose to be with the person you are with and how much you both really care. I do love the designated day to be pampered and adored, even though I recognize how commercial it is. This year's Valentine's Day was particularly wonderful for me. He took me to and incredible dinner, which we dragged out for hours, drinking wine and enjoying each other's conversation, while being constantly reminded of how perfect our love is. And with that in mind, I do like the idea of making a day special for him too. Whether it's specifically a steak and a blow job or just cooking his favorite meal and spending time doing the things that he loves to do, I think he deserves the same effort and affection that he gave me just one month ago. I'm pretty sure mine's going to "settle" for a steak and a bj, but I do encourage you to take the time to think about what yours might want, and pick a day to make special for him.

Disclaimer: I know this is very un-PC to make this specifically for a man and woman, it is just so much easier to write that way. The whole idea obviously goes for any two people, or three people, or ten people who want to take a pause from day to day life and remind each other how much they care.

A Room of My Own

My kids wrote a descriptive essay describing their bedrooms. It was interesting--after I finished reading them all, I thought about how most teenagers have a little kind of cool haven where they hunker down to live out the droning lonely complicated time that is high school. It's also a place where you shamelessly put all of your identity onto your wall--or the identity you either think you should have or that you want.

The kids all called this room "theirs" and "the only place I own in the house" even though that's a straight up lie because they're all 14 and jobless. But it's like they need a little safe space to curl up because they're not quite ready to not be a kid and it's like their rooms are outside reality.

It made me think of a few things.

1. When I was a teen, I didn't spend time in my room except to sleep, and I shared it with my sister. I tried putting things up on the walls and on a shelf, but it never looked all that great and it never felt like the stuff reflected my personality very well. I carry these same Feng Shui insecurities into adulthood. Also, I was envious of people with cool rooms--I can remember one friend in middle school just had a shitty little room with a daybed, an old dresser, and two desks, but her room felt like her--a whirlwind of life, busyness, and cool people. And boys. And then there were the people with the artsy rooms. I still envy them. But I do have a nice yellow living room, at least.

2. I'm curious about other couples who live together. What happens when you go from having two rooms to one? My boyfriend and I now share a room that's pretty much a bed, night tables, bookshelf, and a dresser (with paint and pictures). But I have all my clothes in the guest bedroom because I get dressed early in the morning, and he's got his computer and music stuff in this room thing that we call "the office." So we still have our own spaces, in a way. What do other people do?

3. Does this my-room-as-my-little-haven thing go away as we get older? Do we start to deal with life in a way that we don't need to curl up with our band posters and YA series praying that we're not boring but we're not the only ones like us? Maybe homes start becoming more like places to relax than hide or escape.

I still like band posters and YA series, though.

Monday, March 10, 2008

His Jeff Gordon Birthday

Jips had a birthday this month. I got him the above cake. Do you get it? Your Jeff Gordon birthday is when you turn 24, like your Michael Jordan birthday is when you turn 23.

Horton was really awesome. I am excited to hear all about your wedding, booton! Do you have brides maids dresses picked out yet? Could you post a picture of any of the dresses?

I have my first practice for my Oral Exam on Wednesday. My actual date is April 2nd. I have lots to do!!! We got an awesome (pants) suit for me from the limited this weekend. It is dark brown, and I got a teal shirt to go under it. I am totally freaking out about my oral exam, so I need to get to work!

i'm still here!

my life is absolutely crazy these days, but i wanted to post really quickly for a mini-update.

1) i think the recent postings are great! i've been on both sides of the spectrum, and how a relationship evolves absolutely depends on the individuals' personalities and expectations. i also really liked fermi's description of the continuum, it's definitely easier to be friends with someone who is nothing like a person you see yourself with.

2) i went to my first dress fitting (i'm getting married in july) and the lady who will be doing the alterations was so amazed because i said i trusted her judgement. she told me stories about other brides who cried, yelled at her, etc. because she needed to cut the dresses for alterations. i know there is this common trend for women to go crazy, "bridezilla", but it still baffles me. we're having a big wedding, but i don't see the need to yell or obsess over little details. i think it's still possible to have a nice wedding, that represents both of you, without going crazy.

3) i absolutely cannot wait for spring break in 2 weeks...sadly, there will be no beach involved, but i'll be able to really catch up on my work.

i'll have more time to update soon, hopefully. :)

Sunday, March 9, 2008

From the Road

Hey everyone. I wanted to make a quick post from the road so you all wouldn't think I had abandoned you. I'm in Sarasota, Florida currently, where we just played a show at the New College. Next stop is Shreveport on Monday. The past week has been a mess of people, music, cats, and a lot of driving.

I think I caught up on everyone's posts since I left. I've definitely been experiencing some interesting gender dynamics on this tour. I've been spending all of my time with the guys in the band and the guys that we're touring with. Not really knowing them very well at all prior to this trip, I can definitely say that they have all exceeded the admittedly low expectations that I hold for the male species. They have all been super respectful and amazing, and I've felt really comfortable spending time with them and building friendships. We are able to build a relationship with one another through playing music, traveling, eating, sleeping, and generally spending a ton of time with each other. The connection seems almost familial. I feel like this sort of platonic relationship is possible and works really well because it has a goal, and that goal doesn't involve sex. We're getting to know each other and developing friendships because it helps us function better as a band/tour buddies. Of course, my sexual preference comes into play in keeping the feelings platonic. It definitely changes the dynamic from my perspective in that I don't consider them as potential mates and therefore don't inject any sexual tension into my end of the equation. Of course, the guys in my band know that I have a girlfriend, but I haven't really talked about my sexual preference with the guys we're touring with. I've felt like I've been treated pretty similarly by both groups of guys. I even had to share a hotel room with the guys we're touring with and one of my bandmates, and the vibe was totally comfortable. It's a good situation and I hope that it stays this way.

In response to Fermi's comment, I totally agree with you about our friendship fostering a sisterly connection between us. In general I draw a pretty strong distinction between friendship feelings and sexual feelings. And I think that it's important to try and respect friendships.

Wow, I am way too tired to continue blogging.

Friday, March 7, 2008


I can't help but be excited. Tomorrow, Jips and I will be seeing Horton Hears a Who for free. I am really looking forward to it. The animation looks great, and the voices will be spectacular!
That is all.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

did the word "penis" make the list?

Tino: GREAT post. I will respond to it in depth later.

I bet the answer to the Harry met Sally question is this:
It depends on the people involved.

Of course, this answer is no fun, but let's think of it this way:
Make two lists, one for the qualities you want in a best friend, the other for qualities you want in your ideal romantic partner. Now, the degree of correlation between the two lists determines the probability of you thinking of a friend as a potential sex partner.

Back to the original question:
Can two singles of opposite sex be "friends" in the way that neither of them ever think of the other as a potential sex partner? The answer is yes if the friend list and partner list have no correlation. And the answer is yes if they are both in denial about wanting to fuck each other.

Of course people can choose not to act on feelings. But I don't think that is what this question is really about.

I'd give him...a 5?

I love When Harry Met Sally so much. And this is a fascinating topic.

I think maybe relationships are like a continuum. Like different degrees of closeness to a person. If we're talking about romantic possibilities, then "stranger" would be zero and "spouse" would be ten, in terms of closeness.

So does sex "get in the way?" Well, if you have it with someone, you'd certainly skip a few numbers. If you don't, then your "closeness" to that person can still be somewhere on the continuum.

I think one question is: can we (single people) handle the idea that we're attracted to someone (another single) and still be his/her friend? I think yes, if s/he is worth being friends with and your friendship functions. Then if both parties want to take it up a few notches to a sexual/romantic relationship, then it runs its course there and you either break up or end up staying together. And if one party doesn’t want to take it to a sexual level, then it keeps going at the level that it is. If the “I’m in love with you” partner can’t handle a platonic friendship, then you end up broken up like you would after a failed romantic relationship. (I think friendships have “break ups” pretty often. I’ve had a few with some girls.)

Can we handle knowing that someone is attracted to us and still be friends if we don’t like them “that way”? Yes, if we aren't sending mixed signals. Anyone who is reading more into “friendship” than there is just requires a simple “this is what we are” conversation. (And shame on people who lead a person on to use his affections as an ego boost, on a side note.)

Can we handle the idea that someone we are attracted to doesn't like us back "that way," but we are still friends? If your ego can handle that, then why not be friends?

I guess my thesis is that hetero men and women who are both single CAN be friends with each other. Sure, there are some complications as with any relationship (platonic, romantic, family, etc.), but those complications only extend as far as how much people’s egos are wrapped up in what other people think of them.

If, for instance, you can’t handle the idea that someone would want to be friends with you but not want to sleep with you, then you might be setting yourself up for some difficulties in friendships with the opposite sex, since there are surely to be people in the world who like you but don’t want to get it on with you.

Similarly, if you are friends with someone who appreciates your friendship and ALSO wants to sleep with you even though you don’t want to sleep with him, then somebody’s going to just have to be disappointed in that situation. And then he gets over it, and he can either take your friendship for what it is, or leave it.

On a slightly different but still related topic:

It all comes down to acceptance—acceptance of people how they are right now, at face value, in all of their current behaviors, and acceptance of yourself and your role in your relationships.
And then once you accept the way a relationship is, then you make the choice of whether you want to stay or leave (friendship or sig. other). Since there’s (unfortunately) no such thing as convincing someone to be in love with you, or to be out of love with you, for that matter. And there’s for damn sure no way to make someone be a better person for you to date.

Too many people want to try to fenagle the relationships they are already in instead of taking them or leaving them for what they are--probably because it is really scary and awkward to break up with someone and cut them out of your life. It just is. I've made this very long and drawn-out fenagling mistake myself.

Similarly, some people are scared to start relationships at all because they could potentially lead to a scary and painful break-up or (even scarier to some) a life spent in partnership with only that one person.

But one thing's for sure, "putting yourself out there" will, at some point, lead to an ego bruise of some kind. It's a risk no matter how interested the person is. I think, however, that it is totally worth it, and that life hands out ego bruises all the time that we have to accept and grow from (and simultaneously not allow to crush our entire self-images).

But yeah, single guys and girls can be friends, I think. If both parties want to take it to a sexual level, then they do, and it moves into a relationship status that either runs its course smoothly or ends in firey tragedy. But if one party doesn't want it to be sexual, then it won't be, and both can be accepting of that and continue to be friends.

Now, fuck buddies, or "friends with benefits"...there's a topic that's more shaky.

A dead horse

I just moved into a new house and we don't get the internet set up for a few more days. In my absence yall have nearly exhausted the When Harry Met Sally topic, but regardless, here's my input...

I am what some people call a serial-dater. I have spent roughly 2 of the past 10 years as a single woman. This is not out of insecurity or a compulsion to constantly have a man in my life, but rather a series of unfortunate circumstances that I have only recently come to realize are no one's fault but my own. (This can be addressed at a later date.)

With that said, I understand that my perspective on things may be skewed because I have pretty much always been "taken", and in most of my experience, others have seen me that way too. (So, this may be an example of "married" person A and single person B). However, I have had very little trouble establishing completely platonic relationships with a number of guys. This is not to say that I have completely avoided the awkward experiences of one-sided crushes, rather that they are infrequent in comparison to the healthy friendships I have cultivated.

I do firmly believe that you can be friends with someone of the opposite gender with no romantic feelings from either side. However, perhaps this belief of mine can be explained in the scenarios that have already been presented.
1. The "taken" phenomenon
2. When I look at my closest girl friends... girls I have known and loved since I was 12... girls I have grown and matured with and who know me as well (or better) than I know myself and vice versa-- even if they were guys, I would not want to date them. What I am looking for in a partner is not necessarily what I have formed with them... So, perhaps my "quality lists" don't overlap as much as some others'.

So, we come full circle to what all of us probably already knew before this topic even came up... I guess it just depends on the person...

In a related subject... Anyone have any insight into the "friends with the ex" issue? Possible? Not possible? Sure, sure, it depends on the person, but I have recently found myself having the conversation with friends, both male and female, and there seems to be a distinct contrast between the responses. Just looking for a few more opinions.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Fight to the death: Sexer VS Sexie

This Post is in Response to peacebone's post (Below).


The Sexer: wants to fuck.

The Sexie: does not want to fuck The Sexer.

Can a single guy and a single girl have a truly platonic friendship? No. The friendship can exist, but one of them (The Sexer) will want to have sex with the other one (The Sexie) most of the time. The Sexer may be the boy one month, and the next month perhaps the girl is The Sexer with the boy being The Sexie. If both the boy and girl happen to be The Sexer at the same time, then a sexual relationship will most likely come out of the friendship. But there is another option. Let’s say they both want to jump each other but they are both too inhibited (by social or experience or cowardice factors) so they don’t. In this case they are both Sexers, but they remain friends because they lack the balls to do anything else.

Let’s examine another case.


Husband A and Wife A are married.

Husband B and Wife B are married.

Both marriages (A and B) are healthy. Both sets of couples are actually in love with their spouse(s) and are devoted to their spouse(s) and their marriages.

Then let’s say that Husband A and Wife B work together. Can they be platonic friends at work? (Meaning that they are friendly and like to talk to each other at work but only do anything outside of work together on really rare occasions: less than once per year) Yes, they can be platonic friends in this case.

If you have a gay man and a straight girl, they can be platonic friends.

What if you have some other combination? One married couple (Husband A and Wife A) and then you have Single Girl C. Can Single Girl C be friends with Wife A? Of course! Can Single Girl C be friends with Husband A? Yes, but the friendship will not be as relaxed as it would be if Single Girl C was married. In other words: Sex does get in the way a little, but most people are able to ignore this.

If you have any other combination, sex will get in the way a little, in different degrees. How the parties handle these sexual urges determines how real the friendship is.

Now that I am married, (And everyone knows it) it is much easier for me to be friends with men who respect marriage. If I happen upon men that do not respect marriage I stop talking to them. (This is a story for another post.) But still, the “friendships” I have with these guys are very light. They are nothing compared to the friendship I have with my husband. But I am also sleeping with my husband, so sex doesn’t get in the way for us, it enhances our friendship. Since I have been married, I have gotten alot closer to Jips in a way I was not able to predict. Working through life problems together, being a family, and being totally secure in our future together changes and enhances our relationship.

How does my friendship with my husband compare to the best girl friendship I have ever had? It is close, but I am closer to my husband. Sex makes us closer, he knows the whole sexual side of me that my best girlfriends don’t know, but at the same time, he also knows me similarly to the way my girlfriends know me.

I am closer to my husband but my girl friends are still incredibly important to me.

I was friends with a boy for years, and now that I am married he won’t talk to me AT ALL.

And then a different boy, wouldn’t talk to me at all until he found out that I WAS married.

Monday, March 3, 2008

I can, with certainty, say we survive

Sorry about your grandma Fermi. My last grandparent died in February (right after Valentines day) 2 years ago. I don't know if I'll ever stop feeling guilty for not having wanted to spend more time around my grandparents when they were here.

Well, aside from wishing you well, I wanted to start a little bit of a discussion. Just something I've been curious about (to better explain it in a sentence fragment).

I can't remember how old I was when I noticed the phenomenon of girls talking about how they've "always gotten along better with guys," implying that they find female relationships hard to cultivate. I guess this is related to Tino's earlier post about women wanting an "in" of some male power, but I think this is different.

Personally, I've always found female relationships much easier to start and develop and much more comfortable throughout. It's only been recently that I've found myself friends with more men. A change that has taken place strictly based on my discovery of the awesomeness of the gay man. I also also fancy myself friends with some married (or might as well be) dudes. So I guess the only men I am friends with are completely unavailable in a sexual or relationship sense.

Maybe this is more of my hangup, that I immediately think of single guys as belonging to one of two categories: boyfriend material or non-boyfriend material. Either label is not likely to promote too much amicability. For one, they cause a lot of anxiety (and in turn, bizarre, uncharacteristic behavior) on my part and I can't imagine that even the subconscious sense of being evaluated and sorted on this basis is good for anyone's ego.

But I digress. The other option is the When Harry Met Sally Perplex. Can men and women be friends or does sex get in the way? I don't fashion myself any sort of Carry Bradshaw in training, but I've found that, for me personally, it's been nothing short of impossible.


Saturday, March 1, 2008

too much of a shock

My Grandmother died today. Yesterday, my dad sent me an email from work.

Subject: My Mother

I don't know if mom or I have told you about my mother. About a month ago your aunt S---- told me that my mother was now on "total care" and was having increasing difficulty swallowing and that, associated with other issues, led to the decision to put her on hospice care. That means she may die soon. And I just wanted you to be aware of that so if one day we call you to tell you she has died, it won't come as too much of a shock.
Love Dad

If you would like to discuss, mom is off work today around the house or on her cell in town, I am at work: xxx-xxx-xxxx

He flew up there yesterday. Aunt A---- flew up today. Five minutes after Aunt A---- walked into the room, my grandmother passed. They aren't going to have a funeral. Just a memorial service some time in the future in the town where she lived before my Aunt S---- started to take care of her. I was more worried about my dad, but my mom says he is doing well.

There are nice flowers in my apartment complex. It snowed less than 7 days ago, but it was sunny and beautiful today.

mars passion

Welcome to March guys! For you fellow durty south residents, we've but days to wait before 90 degrees is felt without. I've been inspired to higher forms of language by Mr. Shakespeare, since I'm essential reading Julius Casesar three times a day.

Isn't it great when you have one of those days when it just strikes you that you're happy?

The components of my happiness:
  • Tazo passion tea. bright, red velvet cake red coloring; rich, full, fruity taste; caffeine free.
  • 2nd grad school acceptance
  • 1st grad school acceptance now offering a scholarship
  • cryptic e-mail from 3rd grad school telling me that they received my application for student aid before I've gotten anything about being accepted?
  • beautiful Saturday weather and a run around the lakes planned
  • party planned for tonight
  • 10 hours of sleep (twice the amount I get during the week)
I'm also about to listen to an episode of This American Life, one of my absolute favorite pastimes. Oh Ira, how you tease me.