Showing posts with label grad school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grad school. Show all posts
Monday, November 1, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
You're drunk and acting tough.
I'm a quitter. By Natalie Dee.
I quit blogging. and more importantly - I quit grad school.
It was really more of a damage control thing than anything else... But I can get into that later.
the important thing - is that I am now a scientist for a Fortune 500 company making consumer products - which is where I always wanted to end up - and i have arrived.
My life is infinitely better than it was in graduate school. I am amazed at this - at the fact that your environment can influence you that much. I had always been of the mindset that who I am internally has more influence on me than my surroundings... but I guess I can see that both matter to some extent.
I also have a new belief in Luck. In graduate school I was unlucky and unsuccessful. I also think that the professors that I worked for are dumb. Now, I find myself in a new situation, still working out new technology, but I am already wildly successful. It has got to be luck that I have ended up here - and that the senior scientist that I am working with is smart. Smarter than most of the professors I knew in graduate school.
And although I have been away from blogging on the internet, I have still been on the internet.
This video by Alain De Botton (scroll to the end of the post) resonated with me.
Leaving my program with out a Ph.D. was hard for my identity. So much of who I was- was wrapped up in getting a PhD and staying in graduate school at all costs.
It was easy for me to physically leave - because I have this gift of seeing the truth of situations - and I knew I was being forced out.
And the most important thing I learned in graduate school is that a Ph.D. doesn't mean anything. Lazy idiots can have them, hard working idiots can have them, etc. It doesn't even distinguish if you can think or not.
My manager said to me about me "she acts like she has a PhD" meaning I can think, and come up with new technologies, and design experiments, etc. I just don't have the stamp.
(And for the record, yes I did leave with a Masters, but it is still quitting in my eyes.)
Hello again, blogging world.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
New Years Resolutions Fall 09
This Week, school started on my campus. The beginning of the fall semester resonates even more with me as a fresh start than January 1st.
Here are some resolutions:
1) Walk 30 min every day for 21 days
21 days because that is how long it takes to form a habit. And I need to get back into the habit of cardiovascular workouts. 21 days in a row was the ideal, although today is Day 6 and I have walked 5 days (including today). I didn't walk yesterday because my experiments lasted too long and I was sleepy in the morning from having watched CHOPPED- this awesome Food Network at Night reality TV show. It is a cooking competition where you get some odd ingredients in your basket - (Celery for dessert) and the chefs are timed with how they make their meals.
4 contestants start.
20 min and for an appetizer.
one contestant gets eliminated.
3 contestants and 30 min for an entree.
2 contestants and 30 min for a dessert.
and one winner.
This is BRILLIANT because the best part of all reality shows is the elimination, and in ONE show you get THREE Eliminations! And you get to see some creative cooking puzzles.
Back to the resolutions:
Walking 30 min because I am so out of shape that this is a good workout for me. I do go at a 7.5 to 8.0 level incline on the treadmill and as fast as I can 3.4 to 3.9 speed so I get a good workout for my current fitness level.
I think I will get myself a *prize* after 21 days of walking even if I can't get them all in a row.
2) Work Less
If all of our readers haven't already left for good- you may have noticed that I haven't been doing much of the blogging lately.
I haven't been doing much of anything other than working.
At my peak it was 70-73 hours a week AT WORK. That counts walking into my desk/bench and out- no commute, no working from home included.
Right- that is a bit much if you want to nourish ANYTHING else in your life and get sleep.
Sleep is a must for me as my brain goes to mush without it- and as it turns out- nourishing your body, and your relationship with your spouse and dogs help you to enjoy life more.
Imagine that.
So now my limit is 60 hours a week.
The only drawback to this is that I fear the amount of time I will be in graduate school. Sure it won't be forever- but it seems like it has been already.
3) Have a nice house
By house I mean apartment, and by nice I mean somewhat clean and not full of crap that I don't need.
I have started this by trying to clean up some - and by taking 2 Camry Trunk-fulls to the goodwill drop off. I need to take some more. I got rid of lots of crap that we had inherited from our families and friends. (13 piece nativity set, anyone?)
Also I got rid of any clothes that I cant imagine fitting into again (From 8th grade before puberty widened my hip bones.) And clothes that are worn out and don't look nice, or clothes that do look nice but I cannot imagine myself ever wearing.
Worn out clothes = LOTS of Natalie Dee T- shirts. I might do a post about this later on.
I had been keeping the shirts for sentimental value, and because I love the artwork- although I rode public transit and sweated alot in the shirts so there are nasty arm pit marks on them. Yes- I should not wear these.
Do goodwill people care about arm pit marks on t shirts?
So I took some digital photos of shirts that were painful for me to get rid of, and the Husband was looking through them and was very alarmed and distraught about the fact that I had taken these shirts to goodwill.
Still I think this will help my apartment be more livable and be filled with less crap.
Have you noticed that Natalie Dee has been not putting out new shirts since her baby has been born? Sure- they are probably hella busy but she used to have new shirts all the time. and now I KNOW they reprinted anxiety girl and the will knit for tattoos because I am a long term ND fan who is a ND shirt fan no longer.
Here are some resolutions:
1) Walk 30 min every day for 21 days
21 days because that is how long it takes to form a habit. And I need to get back into the habit of cardiovascular workouts. 21 days in a row was the ideal, although today is Day 6 and I have walked 5 days (including today). I didn't walk yesterday because my experiments lasted too long and I was sleepy in the morning from having watched CHOPPED- this awesome Food Network at Night reality TV show. It is a cooking competition where you get some odd ingredients in your basket - (Celery for dessert) and the chefs are timed with how they make their meals.
4 contestants start.
20 min and for an appetizer.
one contestant gets eliminated.
3 contestants and 30 min for an entree.
2 contestants and 30 min for a dessert.
and one winner.
This is BRILLIANT because the best part of all reality shows is the elimination, and in ONE show you get THREE Eliminations! And you get to see some creative cooking puzzles.
Back to the resolutions:
Walking 30 min because I am so out of shape that this is a good workout for me. I do go at a 7.5 to 8.0 level incline on the treadmill and as fast as I can 3.4 to 3.9 speed so I get a good workout for my current fitness level.
I think I will get myself a *prize* after 21 days of walking even if I can't get them all in a row.
2) Work Less
If all of our readers haven't already left for good- you may have noticed that I haven't been doing much of the blogging lately.
I haven't been doing much of anything other than working.
At my peak it was 70-73 hours a week AT WORK. That counts walking into my desk/bench and out- no commute, no working from home included.
Right- that is a bit much if you want to nourish ANYTHING else in your life and get sleep.
Sleep is a must for me as my brain goes to mush without it- and as it turns out- nourishing your body, and your relationship with your spouse and dogs help you to enjoy life more.
Imagine that.
So now my limit is 60 hours a week.
The only drawback to this is that I fear the amount of time I will be in graduate school. Sure it won't be forever- but it seems like it has been already.
3) Have a nice house
By house I mean apartment, and by nice I mean somewhat clean and not full of crap that I don't need.
I have started this by trying to clean up some - and by taking 2 Camry Trunk-fulls to the goodwill drop off. I need to take some more. I got rid of lots of crap that we had inherited from our families and friends. (13 piece nativity set, anyone?)
Also I got rid of any clothes that I cant imagine fitting into again (From 8th grade before puberty widened my hip bones.) And clothes that are worn out and don't look nice, or clothes that do look nice but I cannot imagine myself ever wearing.
Worn out clothes = LOTS of Natalie Dee T- shirts. I might do a post about this later on.
I had been keeping the shirts for sentimental value, and because I love the artwork- although I rode public transit and sweated alot in the shirts so there are nasty arm pit marks on them. Yes- I should not wear these.
Do goodwill people care about arm pit marks on t shirts?
So I took some digital photos of shirts that were painful for me to get rid of, and the Husband was looking through them and was very alarmed and distraught about the fact that I had taken these shirts to goodwill.
Still I think this will help my apartment be more livable and be filled with less crap.
Have you noticed that Natalie Dee has been not putting out new shirts since her baby has been born? Sure- they are probably hella busy but she used to have new shirts all the time. and now I KNOW they reprinted anxiety girl and the will knit for tattoos because I am a long term ND fan who is a ND shirt fan no longer.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Pagan Plans
Skuh,
I feel the same way about Easter.
My mom called me this Friday- 6pm my time- I'm still at work. She asked if I got off of work on Good Friday- and if she should come visit me for Easter.
My response was: When's Easter?
My plans: work. Maybe clean my house a bit.
I feel the same way about Easter.
My mom called me this Friday- 6pm my time- I'm still at work. She asked if I got off of work on Good Friday- and if she should come visit me for Easter.
My response was: When's Easter?
My plans: work. Maybe clean my house a bit.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Self Portrait with Corn
I used to have a drawing blog which I have since deserted. One of my husband's friends commented that he checks my old drawing blog every day in hopes of me making a new drawing. That is a bit sad- but it explains where all of my traffic comes from...
Anyway- that comment inspired me to draw tonight. And here it is: Self Portrait with Corn. Obviously I am the orange lady. Do you like that groovy hair flip I have going on? This weekend I saw a black woman with short hair flip it up to one side. A-symmetrical they call it. No, in real life my hair doesn't actually look like that.
And then you see my students-represented by the blue piranhas sucking the life-blood out of me and carelessly spilling it on my clothes-and face-and hair. Damn students! Stop sending me a million emails and complaining about 2 point deductions! I have research to do! (And lives to save.)
To my right you see The Corn, and between us: wedding bells. This is supposed to be representative of the fact that my new boss "Alice" just got engaged. Well- he asked her- I bet on valentines day- and they got the ring later. A beautiful diamond ring. And since he asked her on VDay- he is depicted as corn. And since diamonds are impossible to do justice to in the 2D form in which my art lives-- we have the bells.
What these two things really represent I think is the fact that I am looking forward to having lunch with my new boss "Alice" tomorrow at the semesterly "Take-A-Prof to Lunch" event that my university holds. I have asked around-but little is known about Alice- or her Fiance. They both have tattoos. It is interesting to me that such a superficial observation is all that my lab mates have gleaned about them. But this will all change tomorrow at lunch when I discover the life of my new boss, my favorite professor.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
WTF revisited
While I wait for my plates to dry, an update.
Remember WTF Katu WTF ? Right. Thank you for your comments. It turns out that she probably is competitive and definitely insecure. Take this example:
(Paragraph 3)
On Friday I had a lunch with a faculty member who is on both of our committees. This faculty member is female, thin, blond, stylish, smart, and put together -- and not afraid to let you know it. She has high standards for herself and for students in general. She is easily disappointed by students' lack of knowledge or hard work.
Now, I adore this faculty member; she is someone I would like to become one day (maybe.) Every time we meet, I leave energized and certain that I will become a great scientist. On top of that-- she likes me-- I know this to the 99% confidence level. After my oral exam I suggested to her that I relearn all of my sophomore organic chemistry and have an additional oral exam with her on the organic just for self respect because I was shaky on my organic in my oral exam. What a nerd I am, right? Actually the problem was that I suggested this when I was high on learning-- not in my right mind. But I ended up following through and she was impressed-- but more important than impressing her - this act- unknown to me at the time- allowed me to transition into my current group easily where previous to my relearning of organic - I would not have considered it.
So I send the email to my committee about my group change and she asks me to have lunch. I look forward to this- and talking to PizzaPan in the lab- I mention it because normally on Friday I have lunch with Jips (husband) but this Friday I wasn't.
Katu gets word from PizzaPan that I am having lunch with the committee member - and she asks about it and mentions that she would be scared or nervous because the faculty member is intimidating for all of the reasons in Paragraph 3 (see above.) But I tell Katu- but you are smart and beautiful and put together, too, so its okay. But Katu doesn't feel that way- and is concerned that prof doesn't either. -- And so we have Katu's insecurity rise to the surface.
And for this I feel bad. Katu's mother pretty much deserted her family when she was young- and that may have an affect on her- but she had a great father and everyone has problems... And her problems don't excuse her rudeness or passive dismissal of our friendship. Still her insecurity makes her human and I cannot be upset with someone I have compassion for.
So I felt bad about bashing her in my blog- I'm sorry Katu. That was Friday. But today- I don't feel bad about it.
The think about Katu and the 4th grader in the post below (by Skuh) is that they care about what is cool... And to that I say BAH. Being kind to other people is more important that being cool yourself.
The End.
Remember WTF Katu WTF ? Right. Thank you for your comments. It turns out that she probably is competitive and definitely insecure. Take this example:
(Paragraph 3)
On Friday I had a lunch with a faculty member who is on both of our committees. This faculty member is female, thin, blond, stylish, smart, and put together -- and not afraid to let you know it. She has high standards for herself and for students in general. She is easily disappointed by students' lack of knowledge or hard work.
Now, I adore this faculty member; she is someone I would like to become one day (maybe.) Every time we meet, I leave energized and certain that I will become a great scientist. On top of that-- she likes me-- I know this to the 99% confidence level. After my oral exam I suggested to her that I relearn all of my sophomore organic chemistry and have an additional oral exam with her on the organic just for self respect because I was shaky on my organic in my oral exam. What a nerd I am, right? Actually the problem was that I suggested this when I was high on learning-- not in my right mind. But I ended up following through and she was impressed-- but more important than impressing her - this act- unknown to me at the time- allowed me to transition into my current group easily where previous to my relearning of organic - I would not have considered it.
So I send the email to my committee about my group change and she asks me to have lunch. I look forward to this- and talking to PizzaPan in the lab- I mention it because normally on Friday I have lunch with Jips (husband) but this Friday I wasn't.
Katu gets word from PizzaPan that I am having lunch with the committee member - and she asks about it and mentions that she would be scared or nervous because the faculty member is intimidating for all of the reasons in Paragraph 3 (see above.) But I tell Katu- but you are smart and beautiful and put together, too, so its okay. But Katu doesn't feel that way- and is concerned that prof doesn't either. -- And so we have Katu's insecurity rise to the surface.
And for this I feel bad. Katu's mother pretty much deserted her family when she was young- and that may have an affect on her- but she had a great father and everyone has problems... And her problems don't excuse her rudeness or passive dismissal of our friendship. Still her insecurity makes her human and I cannot be upset with someone I have compassion for.
So I felt bad about bashing her in my blog- I'm sorry Katu. That was Friday. But today- I don't feel bad about it.
The think about Katu and the 4th grader in the post below (by Skuh) is that they care about what is cool... And to that I say BAH. Being kind to other people is more important that being cool yourself.
The End.
Monday, January 26, 2009
What I meant to say yesterday. or WTF Katu WTF
Right. Working a ton. Not keeping up with people. That is what I intended to write about...
Do you remember Tino was working on a short story? Well I asked for it to read/edit/give comments and she sent it to me... I even started reading it, and editing some parts - making comments, etc. Perhaps all of you should know I just went through a phase of reading books about writing fiction. My favorite of the bunch is by Sol Stein: On Writing.
Anyway, so I am reading along--- 10 pages or so in- editing like crazy- and this was 3 weeks ago or so. Then life interrupts and I put it down.
never to return.
-Right Tino-- so I still have your one-third-read/one-third-edited short story... Do you want the first third? or should I wait to finish it? I was thinking wait to finish...
--------------
What else? Skuh sent me this LOVELY personal email... and I put a ninja star on it (as my gmail is ninja themed) and never replied.
--------------
Then one of my favorite academics who is just now starting her tenure track job far away tagged me on facebook in a note: 25 random things about me. I am supposed to write a list of random things. First of all, I hate the word random. It is overused by people who don't want to think of the appropriate descriptive word. After that we have a list of 25 things that people on facebook don't already know about me. I have no intention of making that list. You see, I have a bit of a popularity complex. I friend everyone just to get my friend number higher. That means I have tons of "friends." The way I see it-- if they don't know those 25 things about me already-- then I don't want them to find out with a chain-letter list. Now, Mrs. Favorite-Academic, sure I like her TONS, and I think I will send her the link to this secret blog of mine so that she can learn those 25 things in blog form. But have I told her this? Have I sent Favorite-Academic the link? Not yet. I am just that awesome at keeping in touch.
---------------
And finally this blog- I haven't posted. This could be a good thing because it means I am using all of my time to work and sleep and walk the dogs and kiss the husband. It could be a good thing because life is peachy.
Until now.
I changed groups... And the group I joined happened to be Katu's group. Which is good because the Prof I work for is smart and she has money for lab supplies and plenty of work for us to do. But I was friends with Katu before and I wondered if it would affect our friendship. Guess what? It did.
Right so before I joined there was Katu and Pizza-Pan, the graduate students, a post doc and the Professor. Now there is Katu, Pizza-Pan, Nice-Girl, and me (the grad students), the same post doc and the Professor. Nice-Girl and I sit by each other and I (obviously by her name) am quite fond of her.
Now, Katu and I used to be lunch-on-the-weekend-friends. And lately Katu and Pizza-Pan go out to lunch together all of the time. But they don't invite me or Nice-Girl.
This is not a big deal itself. So this Friday I say to Katu: We never hang out anymore- let's have lunch this weekend. And she says: I don't know... my finances are kinda tight. I say we could bring lunches- but we change the topic...
Flash forward to this Sunday. Katu, Pizza-Pan, and I are working in the lab. Nice-Girl isn't around and neither is Postdoc. Then suddenly at lunch time- Katu and Pizza-Pan leave to have lunch together and even mention it to me when they get back.
WTF Katu. WTF!
So obviously, we aren't "friends" anymore in my book. Certainly not lunch-on-the-weekend-friends like we used to be.
So what could have happened?
(a) Katu's environment could have changed:
I think Katu feels like an older sibling when the mom just had a new baby. Katu used to be the smart and industrious one. And now, she is not the only one who is smart and industrious.
(b) Katu's vision of me could have changed:
She could be pissy because I openly LOVE working for our boss. I LOVE being at work and being in a lab that has money to be used for lab supplies. And she doesn't like research- she openly tells me- and I LOVE research. Before when we were friends- I was less happy: I was working for Catfish -without money for research supplies- with a broken instrument.
(c) It could be a combination of both. It could be that Katu isn't conscious of the fact that she has stopped opting into our friendship.
So right. It pissed me off. But writing about it has helped. And what else? It is okay. I have more friends than I need or can even keep up with. Katu was not the only friend. I can invest my time in other friends.
Do you remember Tino was working on a short story? Well I asked for it to read/edit/give comments and she sent it to me... I even started reading it, and editing some parts - making comments, etc. Perhaps all of you should know I just went through a phase of reading books about writing fiction. My favorite of the bunch is by Sol Stein: On Writing.
Anyway, so I am reading along--- 10 pages or so in- editing like crazy- and this was 3 weeks ago or so. Then life interrupts and I put it down.
never to return.
-Right Tino-- so I still have your one-third-read/one-third-edited short story... Do you want the first third? or should I wait to finish it? I was thinking wait to finish...
--------------
What else? Skuh sent me this LOVELY personal email... and I put a ninja star on it (as my gmail is ninja themed) and never replied.
--------------
Then one of my favorite academics who is just now starting her tenure track job far away tagged me on facebook in a note: 25 random things about me. I am supposed to write a list of random things. First of all, I hate the word random. It is overused by people who don't want to think of the appropriate descriptive word. After that we have a list of 25 things that people on facebook don't already know about me. I have no intention of making that list. You see, I have a bit of a popularity complex. I friend everyone just to get my friend number higher. That means I have tons of "friends." The way I see it-- if they don't know those 25 things about me already-- then I don't want them to find out with a chain-letter list. Now, Mrs. Favorite-Academic, sure I like her TONS, and I think I will send her the link to this secret blog of mine so that she can learn those 25 things in blog form. But have I told her this? Have I sent Favorite-Academic the link? Not yet. I am just that awesome at keeping in touch.
---------------
And finally this blog- I haven't posted. This could be a good thing because it means I am using all of my time to work and sleep and walk the dogs and kiss the husband. It could be a good thing because life is peachy.
Until now.
I changed groups... And the group I joined happened to be Katu's group. Which is good because the Prof I work for is smart and she has money for lab supplies and plenty of work for us to do. But I was friends with Katu before and I wondered if it would affect our friendship. Guess what? It did.
Right so before I joined there was Katu and Pizza-Pan, the graduate students, a post doc and the Professor. Now there is Katu, Pizza-Pan, Nice-Girl, and me (the grad students), the same post doc and the Professor. Nice-Girl and I sit by each other and I (obviously by her name) am quite fond of her.
Now, Katu and I used to be lunch-on-the-weekend-friends. And lately Katu and Pizza-Pan go out to lunch together all of the time. But they don't invite me or Nice-Girl.
This is not a big deal itself. So this Friday I say to Katu: We never hang out anymore- let's have lunch this weekend. And she says: I don't know... my finances are kinda tight. I say we could bring lunches- but we change the topic...
Flash forward to this Sunday. Katu, Pizza-Pan, and I are working in the lab. Nice-Girl isn't around and neither is Postdoc. Then suddenly at lunch time- Katu and Pizza-Pan leave to have lunch together and even mention it to me when they get back.
WTF Katu. WTF!
So obviously, we aren't "friends" anymore in my book. Certainly not lunch-on-the-weekend-friends like we used to be.
So what could have happened?
(a) Katu's environment could have changed:
I think Katu feels like an older sibling when the mom just had a new baby. Katu used to be the smart and industrious one. And now, she is not the only one who is smart and industrious.
(b) Katu's vision of me could have changed:
She could be pissy because I openly LOVE working for our boss. I LOVE being at work and being in a lab that has money to be used for lab supplies. And she doesn't like research- she openly tells me- and I LOVE research. Before when we were friends- I was less happy: I was working for Catfish -without money for research supplies- with a broken instrument.
(c) It could be a combination of both. It could be that Katu isn't conscious of the fact that she has stopped opting into our friendship.
So right. It pissed me off. But writing about it has helped. And what else? It is okay. I have more friends than I need or can even keep up with. Katu was not the only friend. I can invest my time in other friends.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Keeping in Touch (or the lack of it)
Twenty five days in and I make my first post of the year. I've been doing really well at working lately: working and sleeping... and not much else beyond that. I'm not under pressure from any external forces- I just really like my job to the point of obsession- I can't get enough!
And suddenly I find all of the balance I had in my life is gone. I work and sleep-- and walk the dogs on occasion. I haven't even been doing cardio or weights or yoga- nothing physical. I haven't been writing or reading. I haven't been making lunches... I just stock the work freezer with lean cuisines and pull one down whenever I get hungry.
I'm sleepy. More later.
And suddenly I find all of the balance I had in my life is gone. I work and sleep-- and walk the dogs on occasion. I haven't even been doing cardio or weights or yoga- nothing physical. I haven't been writing or reading. I haven't been making lunches... I just stock the work freezer with lean cuisines and pull one down whenever I get hungry.
I'm sleepy. More later.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
bacterium terium on the floor
New Years Resolutions:
1. Work more
2. Exercise more
3. Write more
4. Keep work desk clean
5. Keep work papers organized
I can't recall the last time I took New Years to mean that I should make some resolutions. Resolutions don't seem fun-- I think that's it. But this year is different. Not only is it a new year, but a brand new world spreads itself before me, as I am out of the Catfish Lab. I am in my new lab: Alice's Lab, and I had my first day of experiments today. It was thrilling! It turns out that I do love being a scientist. I love running experiments.
I am growing bacteria. That alone is exciting! I will get to peek into the incubator every day and watch them grow. It is almost like having a plant. Almost like having a pet. Almost like --- Sea Monkeys!
1. Work more
2. Exercise more
3. Write more
4. Keep work desk clean
5. Keep work papers organized
I can't recall the last time I took New Years to mean that I should make some resolutions. Resolutions don't seem fun-- I think that's it. But this year is different. Not only is it a new year, but a brand new world spreads itself before me, as I am out of the Catfish Lab. I am in my new lab: Alice's Lab, and I had my first day of experiments today. It was thrilling! It turns out that I do love being a scientist. I love running experiments.
I am growing bacteria. That alone is exciting! I will get to peek into the incubator every day and watch them grow. It is almost like having a plant. Almost like having a pet. Almost like --- Sea Monkeys!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
A 42 Family Town
I enjoy the month of December.
There is still plenty of cold weather ahead, it is Christmas Season, and I am filled with Hope for the upcoming year. December is also a time where I look back at the past year and think of all of my accomplishments. This usually involves writing a Christmas Update letter and sending Christmas cards out to my extended family and faraway friends.
It is Sunday, December 21st. I have already traveled to my vacation destination, and I haven't even started composing a Christmas letter.
Remember the post Probability of Order? That was vague, wasn't it? Right. Well, I did it- I made the change- the turbulence is over- I left my old boss's group.
What does that even mean!!!
Unless you are in pursuit of your PhD in the basic sciences, you probably don't immediately understand the significance of leaving someone's group. At the end of this post I have a link to some of my previous thoughts on my graduate situation where I compare it to Slavery in the Old South. Today I will use a different comparison.
My department is a small town where the popular pastime is gossiping about other people's business. The town consists of 42 families, but instead of houses, we live in one apartment complex composed of 3 buildings. The gossip flies faster in such a close proximity.
The research groups are polygamist families before any sort of feminist revolution. The boss is the husband and the graduate students are the wives. (Although husband and wife here are used only to indicate power, not gender.) Leaving my boss's group is equivalent to getting a divorce and getting remarried in this small town of 42 families. My old boss has now been divorced 7 times in the last 6 years.
The good news is: I am out. I am now in a new group lead by a woman who has been a professor now for 2 years. I am going to have to work 60 hours a week on a regular basis- but it will be toward something that will get me a PhD. And that is the goal.
I feel a big sense of peace with this change because I trust my New Boss "Alice" where as I did not trust the old boss "Catfish." Catfish had the following priorities:
1. Complain about life in general, esp. about home repairs, graduate students, and other families in our 42 family town.
2. Sculpting: Ordering rocks and staying home from work to have them delivered, getting graduate students to make illegal copies of sculpting videos at the library, giving chemicals from the lab to the sculpting teacher, making a mess in the lab by mixing chemicals and rocks, talking about sculpting.
3. Making money by not actually doing anything: This is Catfish's secret obsession. He likes to talk about how he invested 1000 dollars in this start-up company that is one of his student's thesis projects. My thesis project had me doing experiments that had already been published in 2002! Why did I have to do them? Because he had a patent on this idea (which was a dumb idea which will never make him any money) and he was sure that if I did the work for it he could start a company and make a profit. Right. Forget about doing something because it is good science. Catfish only wants to use science in hopes of making himself rich. What else?
4. Playing Solitaire and Hearts on his laptop. You know how with Windows the start menu shows the recent programs used the most? Right, well every week for group meeting we hook up Catfish's computer to the projector and give him our power point presentations to show. He inevitably clicks on the Windows start menu icon... and the 2 most used programs on his laptop (his only work computer BTW) are ALWAYS Hearts an Solitaire. (the thing is- not only is he not working- how can any semi-intelligent person be entertained by those games!!! Right- Catfish is not intelligent.)
5. Telling graduate students that they need to buy research supplies with money from their paycheck. Awesome. Did I mention that it is HIS JOB to provide research funding for us? Oh yeah- Solitaire is way more stimulating that writing grants or publishing papers. What else is his job? helping his students get their research published in scientific papers. The last time one of his students published a paper containing original research was in 2005. In a few days it will be 2009.
Okay enough of that-- How did I get out? Well my old thesis project was based on this instrument and it was broken when I got it and continued to get worse. Catfish didn't think it was ever broken so it took a long time for me to convince him that we needed to fix it. And finally after trying to fix it for a semester- I realized that it wasn't fixable. The instrument I am talking about is a prototype that never made it to market. There are 5 of them in the world- and they are composed of many "made to order" parts. So... right... but Catfish has a patent (see #3 above) so when I told him that I needed a new thesis project because I couldn't fix the instrument- he said no. And I found a new thesis project in a different group. (A socially acceptable reason to get a divorce.)
In my new group, my new boss, Alice has a different set of priorities:
1. Get research done
2. Publish papers
3. Write grants
4. Stay on top of the current science literature
I think I will be happy in my new family.
Merry Christmas to me.
Recommended reading: Yes Masta, Youse a Good Masta
There is still plenty of cold weather ahead, it is Christmas Season, and I am filled with Hope for the upcoming year. December is also a time where I look back at the past year and think of all of my accomplishments. This usually involves writing a Christmas Update letter and sending Christmas cards out to my extended family and faraway friends.
It is Sunday, December 21st. I have already traveled to my vacation destination, and I haven't even started composing a Christmas letter.
Remember the post Probability of Order? That was vague, wasn't it? Right. Well, I did it- I made the change- the turbulence is over- I left my old boss's group.
What does that even mean!!!
Unless you are in pursuit of your PhD in the basic sciences, you probably don't immediately understand the significance of leaving someone's group. At the end of this post I have a link to some of my previous thoughts on my graduate situation where I compare it to Slavery in the Old South. Today I will use a different comparison.
My department is a small town where the popular pastime is gossiping about other people's business. The town consists of 42 families, but instead of houses, we live in one apartment complex composed of 3 buildings. The gossip flies faster in such a close proximity.
The research groups are polygamist families before any sort of feminist revolution. The boss is the husband and the graduate students are the wives. (Although husband and wife here are used only to indicate power, not gender.) Leaving my boss's group is equivalent to getting a divorce and getting remarried in this small town of 42 families. My old boss has now been divorced 7 times in the last 6 years.
The good news is: I am out. I am now in a new group lead by a woman who has been a professor now for 2 years. I am going to have to work 60 hours a week on a regular basis- but it will be toward something that will get me a PhD. And that is the goal.
I feel a big sense of peace with this change because I trust my New Boss "Alice" where as I did not trust the old boss "Catfish." Catfish had the following priorities:
1. Complain about life in general, esp. about home repairs, graduate students, and other families in our 42 family town.
2. Sculpting: Ordering rocks and staying home from work to have them delivered, getting graduate students to make illegal copies of sculpting videos at the library, giving chemicals from the lab to the sculpting teacher, making a mess in the lab by mixing chemicals and rocks, talking about sculpting.
3. Making money by not actually doing anything: This is Catfish's secret obsession. He likes to talk about how he invested 1000 dollars in this start-up company that is one of his student's thesis projects. My thesis project had me doing experiments that had already been published in 2002! Why did I have to do them? Because he had a patent on this idea (which was a dumb idea which will never make him any money) and he was sure that if I did the work for it he could start a company and make a profit. Right. Forget about doing something because it is good science. Catfish only wants to use science in hopes of making himself rich. What else?
4. Playing Solitaire and Hearts on his laptop. You know how with Windows the start menu shows the recent programs used the most? Right, well every week for group meeting we hook up Catfish's computer to the projector and give him our power point presentations to show. He inevitably clicks on the Windows start menu icon... and the 2 most used programs on his laptop (his only work computer BTW) are ALWAYS Hearts an Solitaire. (the thing is- not only is he not working- how can any semi-intelligent person be entertained by those games!!! Right- Catfish is not intelligent.)
5. Telling graduate students that they need to buy research supplies with money from their paycheck. Awesome. Did I mention that it is HIS JOB to provide research funding for us? Oh yeah- Solitaire is way more stimulating that writing grants or publishing papers. What else is his job? helping his students get their research published in scientific papers. The last time one of his students published a paper containing original research was in 2005. In a few days it will be 2009.
Okay enough of that-- How did I get out? Well my old thesis project was based on this instrument and it was broken when I got it and continued to get worse. Catfish didn't think it was ever broken so it took a long time for me to convince him that we needed to fix it. And finally after trying to fix it for a semester- I realized that it wasn't fixable. The instrument I am talking about is a prototype that never made it to market. There are 5 of them in the world- and they are composed of many "made to order" parts. So... right... but Catfish has a patent (see #3 above) so when I told him that I needed a new thesis project because I couldn't fix the instrument- he said no. And I found a new thesis project in a different group. (A socially acceptable reason to get a divorce.)
In my new group, my new boss, Alice has a different set of priorities:
1. Get research done
2. Publish papers
3. Write grants
4. Stay on top of the current science literature
I think I will be happy in my new family.
Merry Christmas to me.
Recommended reading: Yes Masta, Youse a Good Masta
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Life vectors and Money
Novella came and stayed at my apartment recently. I had a very good time with her, and we got to hang out more than I was expecting which was nice. Along with other things we talked about people we knew from high school and what/how they are doing now. I started thinking about high school people -- about how we all had very similar day-to-day lives at one time, and now we have scattered and are doing very different things with our lives.
Then I think- maybe it only seemed like we had similar lives. Maybe the part of our lives that was the same was not the part that mattered. Maybe the things that influenced us were the parts that were not so visible to my high school eyes.
I guess this is the nature vs nurture thing. Or it could be the nature and nurture thing where nature (our genetics) is the X axis and nurture (our experiences) is the Y axis, and our resulting direction in life is the vector in space having both X and Y components. And that is how it would be in 2 dimensions. But with genetics I imagine that we would not only have multiple lengths of the X axis component, but also that we would have other dimensional possibilities.
So the part that is the same is the fact that we wall went to the same high school. But there are so many other variables. How much did we pay attention in class? How did our home life influence our interest in school or boys or girls or drugs? Maybe our home life was so drastically different that it switches us into another dimension entirely. If we consider all of this it makes perfect sense that members of a high school class would be scattered about the universe.
Human beings have too many variables to make a good science experiment. In the class I am auditing I think about how there is so much we don't know about biology and life. We don't know every step in evolution, although we have pieces. We cannot create a living E.Coli bacterium yet (from non-living synthetic materials.) I feel like we are close. We should be able to create an E.Coli. But even bacterial life is SO complicated. If humans continue to exist for long enough (assuming we don't bomb ourselves into extinction) I bet we will get far enough in science to create life from non-living materials.
-----------
On a side note- tomorrow is Monday. I am meeting with my boss AND ordering supplies for my project. The total cost of supplies I need is $7.40. I have a feeling that my boss will tell me to purchase the supplies with my own money. And I will tell him no.
I have the feeling because in the past he has told us to purchase things with our own money - and I have already spent $170 on my research project of my own money. I am not doing this anymore. It pisses me off because it is HIS JOB to get us funding - AND he makes ten times as much money as I make. And he expects me to use my salary to do HIS job, and still do my job? The problem is that my boss feels that he doesn't have enough money. He is selfish and stingy.
I am ready to tell him tomorrow that I am not spending another cent on my research project, and that if he doesn't have the money to support my project then I can find another group.
This is hard for me because I am standing up to my boss, and because it is dealing with money. I have issues with money because my dad never wanted to spend money and so I thought that if I spent less money than he would love me more.
The great thing is that Jips, my husband, loves to spend money. And since I want him to have the things he wants because I love him and we can actually afford the things he wants... it makes me think that I can have the things I want then, too.
But beyond my husband - I have trouble with money. I hate talking about it. I hate asking my boss to spend money on my research because he is always acting pissy about spending the money. So this will be a big step for me.
Then I think- maybe it only seemed like we had similar lives. Maybe the part of our lives that was the same was not the part that mattered. Maybe the things that influenced us were the parts that were not so visible to my high school eyes.
I guess this is the nature vs nurture thing. Or it could be the nature and nurture thing where nature (our genetics) is the X axis and nurture (our experiences) is the Y axis, and our resulting direction in life is the vector in space having both X and Y components. And that is how it would be in 2 dimensions. But with genetics I imagine that we would not only have multiple lengths of the X axis component, but also that we would have other dimensional possibilities.
So the part that is the same is the fact that we wall went to the same high school. But there are so many other variables. How much did we pay attention in class? How did our home life influence our interest in school or boys or girls or drugs? Maybe our home life was so drastically different that it switches us into another dimension entirely. If we consider all of this it makes perfect sense that members of a high school class would be scattered about the universe.
Human beings have too many variables to make a good science experiment. In the class I am auditing I think about how there is so much we don't know about biology and life. We don't know every step in evolution, although we have pieces. We cannot create a living E.Coli bacterium yet (from non-living synthetic materials.) I feel like we are close. We should be able to create an E.Coli. But even bacterial life is SO complicated. If humans continue to exist for long enough (assuming we don't bomb ourselves into extinction) I bet we will get far enough in science to create life from non-living materials.
-----------
On a side note- tomorrow is Monday. I am meeting with my boss AND ordering supplies for my project. The total cost of supplies I need is $7.40. I have a feeling that my boss will tell me to purchase the supplies with my own money. And I will tell him no.
I have the feeling because in the past he has told us to purchase things with our own money - and I have already spent $170 on my research project of my own money. I am not doing this anymore. It pisses me off because it is HIS JOB to get us funding - AND he makes ten times as much money as I make. And he expects me to use my salary to do HIS job, and still do my job? The problem is that my boss feels that he doesn't have enough money. He is selfish and stingy.
I am ready to tell him tomorrow that I am not spending another cent on my research project, and that if he doesn't have the money to support my project then I can find another group.
This is hard for me because I am standing up to my boss, and because it is dealing with money. I have issues with money because my dad never wanted to spend money and so I thought that if I spent less money than he would love me more.
The great thing is that Jips, my husband, loves to spend money. And since I want him to have the things he wants because I love him and we can actually afford the things he wants... it makes me think that I can have the things I want then, too.
But beyond my husband - I have trouble with money. I hate talking about it. I hate asking my boss to spend money on my research because he is always acting pissy about spending the money. So this will be a big step for me.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
TFA is short for: Shot in the FACE
I can feel it: the obsession creeping in. I am checking MY OWN BLOG multiple times a day to look for comments and new posts.
Skuh asked me why I said TFA is the devil. The reality is that I just like to make outlandish claims without any substance to them. I don't know that much about Teach For America, but these facts make me distrust them:
1) they are an organization with lots of propaganda
2) you can write the TFA experience on your resume
3) their target age group = college kids
Organizations and Cults love to target college kids because often times college kids don't want to grow up and they don't know what they will do with their lives. College kids are legal-for-labor and they don't always place a high value on their time. The exploitation opportunities are endless.
Skuh, I know you aren't doing TFA so you can write it on your resume. But that will be the focus of the people you will be working with. You were an English major so you might not know how annoying pre-meds are. People who are too focused on resumes are a bitch to be around because they lack something that most other people have: a soul.
I am naturally distrustful of organizations especially if there is propaganda involved. From what I have heard, TFA does not tolerate any negative talk about TFA. Personally, I like the truth and I like free speech. TFA likes to smite the truth.
And finally, if you join TFA you may be shot in the face by one of your students.
Check the links:
Feministe: Why I Hate Teach For America
(read the comments on Feministe, too)
Philadelphia Rain
Loving to Hate Teach for America
How I Joined Teach for America-- and got Sued for $20 million
---------
Did yall watch the new HOUSE Tuesday?
If so you will love LOL House, courtesy of J-Money.
It is really funny! Scroll down to see the pics.
Skuh asked me why I said TFA is the devil. The reality is that I just like to make outlandish claims without any substance to them. I don't know that much about Teach For America, but these facts make me distrust them:
1) they are an organization with lots of propaganda
2) you can write the TFA experience on your resume
3) their target age group = college kids
Organizations and Cults love to target college kids because often times college kids don't want to grow up and they don't know what they will do with their lives. College kids are legal-for-labor and they don't always place a high value on their time. The exploitation opportunities are endless.
Skuh, I know you aren't doing TFA so you can write it on your resume. But that will be the focus of the people you will be working with. You were an English major so you might not know how annoying pre-meds are. People who are too focused on resumes are a bitch to be around because they lack something that most other people have: a soul.
I am naturally distrustful of organizations especially if there is propaganda involved. From what I have heard, TFA does not tolerate any negative talk about TFA. Personally, I like the truth and I like free speech. TFA likes to smite the truth.
And finally, if you join TFA you may be shot in the face by one of your students.
Check the links:
Feministe: Why I Hate Teach For America
(read the comments on Feministe, too)
Philadelphia Rain
Loving to Hate Teach for America
How I Joined Teach for America-- and got Sued for $20 million
---------
Did yall watch the new HOUSE Tuesday?
If so you will love LOL House, courtesy of J-Money.
It is really funny! Scroll down to see the pics.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Goal 1: Control the Universe
The 1992 graduate asked me who I worked for, and when I told her she scrunched up her face in disgust. I smiled and said "yes."
"Maybe he's changed." She said.
"He hasn't. The person who told me I should work for him got fired the year I joined."
"That was the same thing that happened to my friend who worked for him." she said.
---------------
Now in my third year, my boss is not the problem. He isn't going to fire me, because right now, I am more valuable to him than he is to me. On top of that, I have learned how to deal with him. I don't stress out about group meetings or seeing him.
The problem is now internal and personal. Personal because my house is a mess, and I have to study organic on my down time rather than clean my house. Internal because I feel like I haven't done anything worthwhile in the past 2.25 years.
I know it isn't true. I have a paper published in a journal where "only experts in the field" publish. I won a teaching award. I have led the revival of my Women In Science group for the past year growing our membership from 5 to 45. I passed my oral exam and all of my PhD qualifiers.
But I have not made a scientific contribution to my field. In reality this is mostly because of (1) choosing to work for an older advisor who has had several bad ideas that I had to entertain. and (2) bad luck, old instruments, lack of funding. I am certain that I am not alone in my current status of lack of contribution. A professor I respect got his whole thesis out of the last 6 months of the 6 years it took him to get a PhD. In fact, most people I know (haven't/hadn't) done anything worthwhile (at this point in their PhD education.) I guess I feel frustrated because Katu, a friend that I respect, HAS done worthwhile work.
To further Analyse the situation:
I ask myself: Would I trade my accomplishments for Katu's? The answer is no. I just want it all. And that brings us to the truth: that you really can't have it all. Life is a trade off, and with each thing we choose we discard a different choice.
So I guess the answer is: focus on the positive. I am the person that I want to be except for the fact that I'm not omnipotent.
"Maybe he's changed." She said.
"He hasn't. The person who told me I should work for him got fired the year I joined."
"That was the same thing that happened to my friend who worked for him." she said.
---------------
Now in my third year, my boss is not the problem. He isn't going to fire me, because right now, I am more valuable to him than he is to me. On top of that, I have learned how to deal with him. I don't stress out about group meetings or seeing him.
The problem is now internal and personal. Personal because my house is a mess, and I have to study organic on my down time rather than clean my house. Internal because I feel like I haven't done anything worthwhile in the past 2.25 years.
I know it isn't true. I have a paper published in a journal where "only experts in the field" publish. I won a teaching award. I have led the revival of my Women In Science group for the past year growing our membership from 5 to 45. I passed my oral exam and all of my PhD qualifiers.
But I have not made a scientific contribution to my field. In reality this is mostly because of (1) choosing to work for an older advisor who has had several bad ideas that I had to entertain. and (2) bad luck, old instruments, lack of funding. I am certain that I am not alone in my current status of lack of contribution. A professor I respect got his whole thesis out of the last 6 months of the 6 years it took him to get a PhD. In fact, most people I know (haven't/hadn't) done anything worthwhile (at this point in their PhD education.) I guess I feel frustrated because Katu, a friend that I respect, HAS done worthwhile work.
To further Analyse the situation:
- Katu works longer hours than me, and she probably works harder than me 85% of the time
- Katu works for a young professor who has good ideas
- Katu does not have a paper in the esteemed journal that I have one in
- Katu hasn't led the Women In Science group
- Katu hasn't won a teaching award
- Katu has passed her PhD qualifiers
- Katu doesn't exercise regularly or have dogs
I ask myself: Would I trade my accomplishments for Katu's? The answer is no. I just want it all. And that brings us to the truth: that you really can't have it all. Life is a trade off, and with each thing we choose we discard a different choice.
So I guess the answer is: focus on the positive. I am the person that I want to be except for the fact that I'm not omnipotent.
Friday, October 3, 2008
it's friday!
so this past weekend i went to austin city limits with the hubby and my little sister. it was SO fantastic....there is something about being with thousands of other people outside and being able to see 10 of your favorite bands all in one weekend. i haven't been able to go in the last 3 years, so it was really nice to go back.
and austin has quickly moved to the top of the "where we want to move after gradschool is over" list. :)
the real reason i felt the urge to post now is that i had a very enlightening experience a few minutes ago..... my major professor decided that i have to start meeting (and interacting) with our weekly seminar speakers. this is quite a scary task because these seminar speakers are in the top of their respective fields in economics, and i'm just not on their level. the one thing you don't want is to make a bad impression on someone who could eventually offer you a job. plus i have a tendency to say very very dumb things when i get nervous.
anyway, the meeting was actually really great.... i explained my research as a third year student would (extremely nervously) and yet managed to sound intelligent. i also got the best compliment there is: "this topic is really interesting to everyone"
that, my friends, is an extremely good sign!
and austin has quickly moved to the top of the "where we want to move after gradschool is over" list. :)
the real reason i felt the urge to post now is that i had a very enlightening experience a few minutes ago..... my major professor decided that i have to start meeting (and interacting) with our weekly seminar speakers. this is quite a scary task because these seminar speakers are in the top of their respective fields in economics, and i'm just not on their level. the one thing you don't want is to make a bad impression on someone who could eventually offer you a job. plus i have a tendency to say very very dumb things when i get nervous.
anyway, the meeting was actually really great.... i explained my research as a third year student would (extremely nervously) and yet managed to sound intelligent. i also got the best compliment there is: "this topic is really interesting to everyone"
that, my friends, is an extremely good sign!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Apron Strings and Grown-Up-Clothes
Obviously, I have not been blogging lately. I blame it on this graduate women therapy group that I am quitting today. More on that later.
Work is pretty awesome. Seriously. :) And, I managed to work out not once last week, but 4 times! By Monday (yesterday) I was feeling so energized that I did 40 min on the elliptical rather than my minimal 30 min. I feel like I might be getting my life back, and that is a good feeling.
Yesterday on my commute home: bus then train, I had my binder of organic to study but I got distracted by a gentleman on his cell phone. The guy had his back to me on the bus, but he was tall, blond, and lanky... and he was wearing kackies, a dark polo, and "grown up" shoes. You know, not tennis shoes, boat shoes, or even flops,* but instead black leather dress shoes. This is not how the normal nerdy American student dresses at my university. As the shoes suggested, there was something uniquely "grown up" about his appearance. But his conversation is what distracted me. He was talking to his mom. This I am sure of. He seemed very sheltered, but maybe we all seem sheltered when we talk to our parents. Maybe not.
He was talking about starting graduate school. (This is what caused my ears to perk up.) He is taking 3 neuroscience classes, and he just found a research group. Three grad students and one post doc. A small group. He seemed really relieved to have found a group... And it is impressive that he already has a group and it is mid-september. Now he has to play catch up on his classes.
He has an undergrad math degree. He hasn't taken his advanced math classes in 6 years though... He worked between now and his Bachelors. That is probably why he is wearing Grown-Up Clothes.
His little sister is engaged to a friend of his. A guy he has known since Kindergarten. His mom says that the guy is self-centered. Grown-Up-Clothes says he has always been that way, and that he doesn't think anything of it because he never expects anything else from him. His sister's name is Logan. Fuck. If my parents named me Logan and I was a chick I would be pissed.
The other interesting thing about this guy, other than the start of grad school talk, and the total innocence with witch he talks about it, is that he is not from the south. He talks with long O's. He says "You KnOW" repeatedly. And in, "People say I am good at memorizing," mem-er-ising turns into Mem-OOOORR-rising. Grown-Up-Clothes is a beagle in human form.
As we were waiting for the train, I saw his face: baby face. Indicative of someone without "life" experiences. It is true that you can't hide anything from people who know about things. Like drug addicts can tell other addicts by the look of their face, and the lack of "life" shows up just as well.
I felt some sympathy for this kid, Grown-Up-Clothes. He is a long way from home. He doesn't have many friends yet. He is optimistic about graduate school. And in the next 2 years he will figure out how shitty it can be. I wanted to tell him it will get shitty, and to hold on. But I said nothing to him. Mainly because he never got off of the phone with his mom.
*flops = flip flops
Work is pretty awesome. Seriously. :) And, I managed to work out not once last week, but 4 times! By Monday (yesterday) I was feeling so energized that I did 40 min on the elliptical rather than my minimal 30 min. I feel like I might be getting my life back, and that is a good feeling.
Yesterday on my commute home: bus then train, I had my binder of organic to study but I got distracted by a gentleman on his cell phone. The guy had his back to me on the bus, but he was tall, blond, and lanky... and he was wearing kackies, a dark polo, and "grown up" shoes. You know, not tennis shoes, boat shoes, or even flops,* but instead black leather dress shoes. This is not how the normal nerdy American student dresses at my university. As the shoes suggested, there was something uniquely "grown up" about his appearance. But his conversation is what distracted me. He was talking to his mom. This I am sure of. He seemed very sheltered, but maybe we all seem sheltered when we talk to our parents. Maybe not.
He was talking about starting graduate school. (This is what caused my ears to perk up.) He is taking 3 neuroscience classes, and he just found a research group. Three grad students and one post doc. A small group. He seemed really relieved to have found a group... And it is impressive that he already has a group and it is mid-september. Now he has to play catch up on his classes.
He has an undergrad math degree. He hasn't taken his advanced math classes in 6 years though... He worked between now and his Bachelors. That is probably why he is wearing Grown-Up Clothes.
His little sister is engaged to a friend of his. A guy he has known since Kindergarten. His mom says that the guy is self-centered. Grown-Up-Clothes says he has always been that way, and that he doesn't think anything of it because he never expects anything else from him. His sister's name is Logan. Fuck. If my parents named me Logan and I was a chick I would be pissed.
The other interesting thing about this guy, other than the start of grad school talk, and the total innocence with witch he talks about it, is that he is not from the south. He talks with long O's. He says "You KnOW" repeatedly. And in, "People say I am good at memorizing," mem-er-ising turns into Mem-OOOORR-rising. Grown-Up-Clothes is a beagle in human form.
As we were waiting for the train, I saw his face: baby face. Indicative of someone without "life" experiences. It is true that you can't hide anything from people who know about things. Like drug addicts can tell other addicts by the look of their face, and the lack of "life" shows up just as well.
I felt some sympathy for this kid, Grown-Up-Clothes. He is a long way from home. He doesn't have many friends yet. He is optimistic about graduate school. And in the next 2 years he will figure out how shitty it can be. I wanted to tell him it will get shitty, and to hold on. But I said nothing to him. Mainly because he never got off of the phone with his mom.
*flops = flip flops
Friday, August 29, 2008
economics, hurricanes, and marriage, oh my!
so, i'm back from my long months of no blogging- just caught up, and am happy to see that everyone else was still writing and doing well!
my life has been insane lately. fantastic, but insane. i woke up at 5:30 this morning to make breakfast for my hubby before work, and because i'm trying to do as much work as possible. we're leaving asap to go visit his family for the weekend (and to escape the impending hurricane....) and i know i won't be working much while we're there.
i have much to update about, but as usual, not much time. so i think a list will do....
1) i apologize to everyone for the email with password info- that one was my fault. it seems it has been SO long that i could not remember......heh....
2) fermi- that facebook video is great!
3) the wedding was perfect....and actually not because it was big and (mostly) traditional, but because it was us. we incorporated some mexican/catholic traditions into the (methodist) ceremony, which was really fun- my friends from china and germany were so excited to go to an american wedding and it was nice to be able to share his culture as well as mine.
4) the honeymoon was even more perfect.....enough said.
5) since we lived together before the wedding, being married isn't much different.....except that now it's official, and actually we're closer than ever....in all respects
6) school started this week and i feel more pressure than ever. this is my last semester of coursework, meanwhile i am supposed to be writing a minimum of 2 research papers (high quality) and teaching a course
7) the issues i'm having with teaching need their own blog, and i'll get to that later.
8) i think we have mice in our house, but am in denial
hopefully this weekend will go well, both here with the storm and with the inlaws...
happy friday!
my life has been insane lately. fantastic, but insane. i woke up at 5:30 this morning to make breakfast for my hubby before work, and because i'm trying to do as much work as possible. we're leaving asap to go visit his family for the weekend (and to escape the impending hurricane....) and i know i won't be working much while we're there.
i have much to update about, but as usual, not much time. so i think a list will do....
1) i apologize to everyone for the email with password info- that one was my fault. it seems it has been SO long that i could not remember......heh....
2) fermi- that facebook video is great!
3) the wedding was perfect....and actually not because it was big and (mostly) traditional, but because it was us. we incorporated some mexican/catholic traditions into the (methodist) ceremony, which was really fun- my friends from china and germany were so excited to go to an american wedding and it was nice to be able to share his culture as well as mine.
4) the honeymoon was even more perfect.....enough said.
5) since we lived together before the wedding, being married isn't much different.....except that now it's official, and actually we're closer than ever....in all respects
6) school started this week and i feel more pressure than ever. this is my last semester of coursework, meanwhile i am supposed to be writing a minimum of 2 research papers (high quality) and teaching a course
7) the issues i'm having with teaching need their own blog, and i'll get to that later.
8) i think we have mice in our house, but am in denial
hopefully this weekend will go well, both here with the storm and with the inlaws...
happy friday!
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Woe to the Woah
At my University it was the first week of classes. I am auditing one class this semester about macromolecular structure and it is very interesting. Sitting in class feels like a treat! It is also a bit odd as I am constantly reminded of how I know almost nothing about Biochemistry. This is a new feeling because I selected my focus before my senior year of college and from my senior year until now (my 3rd year of grad school), all of my courses have had some overlap and they became second nature to me. Now, sitting in a course I know nothing about, I consistently guess incorrectly (out loud and in my head) and this is a new thing for me. I am about 10 for 10 of incorrect in class answers. This is doing wonders for my self- esteem. ;)
The most thought provoking incident of the week occurred on Thursday. I lead a Women in Chemistry group of graduate students, and we were asked to hold a breakfast and lunch for a seminar speaker. The speaker is a smart soft spoken woman who works at a national lab. She is only 1.5 years out of graduate school so her point of view was really applicable to my group.
Having lunches with professional PhD women is one of the most common activities of my Women's group. The goal of these lunches is to rejuvenate and inspire us, to provide us glimpses of careers of our futures, and to provide us with positive female role models. The funny thing was that after this breakfast-lunch combo, at least 50% of my group were either crying or thinking of crying and wanting to quit graduate school. ... Mission Accomplished.
I wasn't crying, but I felt the same way. Jips asked me: What did she say to make you all so upset? I thought about that and I thought about the underlying assumptions that we had about our future life that made the speakers talk such a rude awakening. I came up with a few reasons for our woe.
Reasons for Woe
1. College is Awesome. For most of us, college is the first time (that we think) we are treated as adults. We go to class, have a part time job, workout, and hang out with friends. The thing about college is that you have a TON of free time. Well, I had a TON of free time because I never took 18 hours in one semester. But the sad truth is: college is nothing like real adult life. The truth is that most Americans work very hard at their jobs, and college educated Americans (more often than not) work more than 40 hours a week. This in itself is a shocker if you think college is the begining of your adult life.
2. Most women in my group came to get their PhD straight out of college. Our graduate program requires more than 40 hours a week for the first two years. Add to that the emotional toll of our peon status of graduate students, the fact that we make as much as a wall-mart grocery bagger, and you get some weary kids. One girl told me this: You know what our problem is? We liked Chemistry in college, so we got fooled into thinking that graduate school was a good idea. And now we are stuck in this 10 foot deep cylinder of shit that we can't get out of. Perhaps I embellished that a bit. Regardless, it is true. Getting a PhD in Science can suck ass, especially in the first 2 years when the demands are high.
Enter our speaker who said:
-I thought I worked hard in grad school, but now I work so much harder and I am so much busier.
-I work five 10 hour days, and then about five or six hours on Sunday. I feel like I get to see my husband all the time because we go running every night after work, and on Saturday we sleep in and then run errands together.
To someone who is barely holding on now in grad school, this sounds like a bleak future.
From Woe to woah.
I thought about this some more, and it does seem true that most educated people in America work hard at their jobs. So why should I look forward to my future?
1. My Peon Status won't last forever. Feeling like an expert at work rather than a slave has got to do wonders for the enjoyment you can get out of your job.
2. Everyone in America works hard, but I will be getting paid a large amount of money for the work I do.
3. I will probably be working with other highly educated adults. This has got to beat being a first grade teacher, or waiting tables.
4. I like science, research, development, and optimization. When I was in undergrad, a grad student in the lab where I worked told me: You would probably like grad school because you really like research. That helps me even now. I do LOVE research, and focusing on the science and how cool it is helps me like my job now, and will probably help in the future.
---------
So why do I have a photo of the guy with a power tool? Cause I learned how to drill this week! My research has required me to do a construction project and it is awesome. I am going slow (Because I have never built anything before.) But so far my project looks good and very sturdy. So I am enjoying work a ton this week.
The most thought provoking incident of the week occurred on Thursday. I lead a Women in Chemistry group of graduate students, and we were asked to hold a breakfast and lunch for a seminar speaker. The speaker is a smart soft spoken woman who works at a national lab. She is only 1.5 years out of graduate school so her point of view was really applicable to my group.
Having lunches with professional PhD women is one of the most common activities of my Women's group. The goal of these lunches is to rejuvenate and inspire us, to provide us glimpses of careers of our futures, and to provide us with positive female role models. The funny thing was that after this breakfast-lunch combo, at least 50% of my group were either crying or thinking of crying and wanting to quit graduate school. ... Mission Accomplished.
I wasn't crying, but I felt the same way. Jips asked me: What did she say to make you all so upset? I thought about that and I thought about the underlying assumptions that we had about our future life that made the speakers talk such a rude awakening. I came up with a few reasons for our woe.
Reasons for Woe
1. College is Awesome. For most of us, college is the first time (that we think) we are treated as adults. We go to class, have a part time job, workout, and hang out with friends. The thing about college is that you have a TON of free time. Well, I had a TON of free time because I never took 18 hours in one semester. But the sad truth is: college is nothing like real adult life. The truth is that most Americans work very hard at their jobs, and college educated Americans (more often than not) work more than 40 hours a week. This in itself is a shocker if you think college is the begining of your adult life.
2. Most women in my group came to get their PhD straight out of college. Our graduate program requires more than 40 hours a week for the first two years. Add to that the emotional toll of our peon status of graduate students, the fact that we make as much as a wall-mart grocery bagger, and you get some weary kids. One girl told me this: You know what our problem is? We liked Chemistry in college, so we got fooled into thinking that graduate school was a good idea. And now we are stuck in this 10 foot deep cylinder of shit that we can't get out of. Perhaps I embellished that a bit. Regardless, it is true. Getting a PhD in Science can suck ass, especially in the first 2 years when the demands are high.
Enter our speaker who said:
-I thought I worked hard in grad school, but now I work so much harder and I am so much busier.
-I work five 10 hour days, and then about five or six hours on Sunday. I feel like I get to see my husband all the time because we go running every night after work, and on Saturday we sleep in and then run errands together.
To someone who is barely holding on now in grad school, this sounds like a bleak future.
From Woe to woah.
I thought about this some more, and it does seem true that most educated people in America work hard at their jobs. So why should I look forward to my future?
1. My Peon Status won't last forever. Feeling like an expert at work rather than a slave has got to do wonders for the enjoyment you can get out of your job.
2. Everyone in America works hard, but I will be getting paid a large amount of money for the work I do.
3. I will probably be working with other highly educated adults. This has got to beat being a first grade teacher, or waiting tables.
4. I like science, research, development, and optimization. When I was in undergrad, a grad student in the lab where I worked told me: You would probably like grad school because you really like research. That helps me even now. I do LOVE research, and focusing on the science and how cool it is helps me like my job now, and will probably help in the future.
---------
So why do I have a photo of the guy with a power tool? Cause I learned how to drill this week! My research has required me to do a construction project and it is awesome. I am going slow (Because I have never built anything before.) But so far my project looks good and very sturdy. So I am enjoying work a ton this week.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Professional Follower
In the comments of the last post Novella asked if my sister could get professional help.
I need to explain more of the story.
In this post, Sister = S.
The root of the problem is not that my sister is too skinny, but rather that she is a Follower. We are all followers to some extent, but she is a Follower in the most extreme of ways. She Follows to the point of becoming brainwashed. She is 27, and so far I can count 3 wash cycles each of which last years.
The first wash started in High School. S was popular. The popular group was her group. You have to be somewhat brainwashed to be popular in high school. I guess I haven't read much about this topic because it is one of the more socially acceptable ways to not think. Someone once said that religion isn't the opium of the people, fashion is. In high school she told me that I shouldn't let my date drive me home if he was drunk. That was good of her to tell me, and one of the signs that her mind wasn't totally mush.
When popular high school girls go to college they do one thing: Join Sororities. And that is what S did. Until she quit a year later to join what I call "the sorority church."
The second wash setting is: Fundamentalist Non-denominational Christian. The Sorority Church was on the edge of our college campus, and provided for all of a Follower's needs. You aren't Saved unless you specifically ask Jesus into your heart. The only requirement for a good husband was that he has asked Jesus into his heart. You don't have to worry about discussing things like financial plans, children, or relationship needs before you get married because hell, whenever things that like arise you can pray about it, and Jesus will tell you what to do. You know that eating disorder you had in High School? Just "give it to god" and it will go away.
S married a Christian guy from the Sorority Church. They moved many miles away after college to a place where her Husband has a job and where she can go to graduate school to get her masters in counseling.
The third wash cycle is: Psyco Camp complete with Psyco Drugs. Away from the Sorority Church and the Harem of Followers she was "friends" with, S gets lonely. Lonely in the way that her husband is gone on trips for work 80% of the year, Lonely in the way that the Female Harem is gone, and Lonely in the way that everyone is when they move far away to a new city. But in Psyco Camp where she is being trained, she names her Loneliness: Manic Depression. She sees a doctor who gives her so much medicine (Psyco Drugs) that when she is taking it as prescribed she passes out and hits her head on the bath tub. She goes to the emergency room all the time now that she is in the new city far away. S is always having accidents. She starts smoking cigarettes. With five years now between the present and the Sorority Church she tells me that she maybe was brainwashed (at that time.) Praying looses its magic. She is taking tons of Psyco Drugs. My dad says to me: "I warned my kids about the illegal drugs, but didn't think to warn them about the legal ones." I have the feeling that her starvation is a result of her drowning her unhappiness in Psyco Drugs rather than an eating disorder. My dad says that her brain would work better if she wasn't so skinny.
I am not sure what the answer is.
Is there such a thing as professional help for a Serial Follower?
*Please note that I believe in Psyco Drugs when used properly. However sometimes they are used without really helping the patient. I judge this to be one of those times.*
I need to explain more of the story.
In this post, Sister = S.
The root of the problem is not that my sister is too skinny, but rather that she is a Follower. We are all followers to some extent, but she is a Follower in the most extreme of ways. She Follows to the point of becoming brainwashed. She is 27, and so far I can count 3 wash cycles each of which last years.
The first wash started in High School. S was popular. The popular group was her group. You have to be somewhat brainwashed to be popular in high school. I guess I haven't read much about this topic because it is one of the more socially acceptable ways to not think. Someone once said that religion isn't the opium of the people, fashion is. In high school she told me that I shouldn't let my date drive me home if he was drunk. That was good of her to tell me, and one of the signs that her mind wasn't totally mush.
When popular high school girls go to college they do one thing: Join Sororities. And that is what S did. Until she quit a year later to join what I call "the sorority church."
The second wash setting is: Fundamentalist Non-denominational Christian. The Sorority Church was on the edge of our college campus, and provided for all of a Follower's needs. You aren't Saved unless you specifically ask Jesus into your heart. The only requirement for a good husband was that he has asked Jesus into his heart. You don't have to worry about discussing things like financial plans, children, or relationship needs before you get married because hell, whenever things that like arise you can pray about it, and Jesus will tell you what to do. You know that eating disorder you had in High School? Just "give it to god" and it will go away.
S married a Christian guy from the Sorority Church. They moved many miles away after college to a place where her Husband has a job and where she can go to graduate school to get her masters in counseling.
The third wash cycle is: Psyco Camp complete with Psyco Drugs. Away from the Sorority Church and the Harem of Followers she was "friends" with, S gets lonely. Lonely in the way that her husband is gone on trips for work 80% of the year, Lonely in the way that the Female Harem is gone, and Lonely in the way that everyone is when they move far away to a new city. But in Psyco Camp where she is being trained, she names her Loneliness: Manic Depression. She sees a doctor who gives her so much medicine (Psyco Drugs) that when she is taking it as prescribed she passes out and hits her head on the bath tub. She goes to the emergency room all the time now that she is in the new city far away. S is always having accidents. She starts smoking cigarettes. With five years now between the present and the Sorority Church she tells me that she maybe was brainwashed (at that time.) Praying looses its magic. She is taking tons of Psyco Drugs. My dad says to me: "I warned my kids about the illegal drugs, but didn't think to warn them about the legal ones." I have the feeling that her starvation is a result of her drowning her unhappiness in Psyco Drugs rather than an eating disorder. My dad says that her brain would work better if she wasn't so skinny.
I am not sure what the answer is.
Is there such a thing as professional help for a Serial Follower?
*Please note that I believe in Psyco Drugs when used properly. However sometimes they are used without really helping the patient. I judge this to be one of those times.*
Monday, August 11, 2008
Grad School or Grocery Bagger?
I didn't blog much last week because I was too busy waking up at an ungodly hour - walking to the train - taking the train downtown - and walking to school. Reverse and repeat for the way home. I thought that getting to work early would be good because I wouldn't get as sweaty on my way in. But I was wrong. Getting to work early is NOT good, (sans good.) I was overly tired all day which made me want to nap in the evening rather than walk the dogs, workout, spend time with the husband, or do any housework. Jips even said to me that early work might not be good because "the house and I need you." And it is so. Early work is not good. Eventually I bet I could get used to the hours, but then there is the problem of my obsessions. I cannot bring myself to leave work early even if I get there early. I just want to finish what I am working on, and it doesn't seem so bad to leave at the normal time, right?
Speaking of work, Mrs. Smoltz and I had dinner yesterday. She showed me that we make the same amount of money as someone who dropped out of high school and is bagging groceries at wall mart.* Damn. But then I say that we are getting paid to get an education and we will be making tons more than the wall mart bagger once we get out. And some people in grad school don't get paid. In our program, in science, they have to pay us something. Otherwise the graduation rate would be 5% rather than the 50% it is now. We have to put up with alot of shit. Maybe it is like that in every program, and maybe not.
Jips is our program's grad student president. That means he has meetings with the "popular" kids on the grad student council and he attends faculty meetings. The popular kids in grad school act like high schoolers. All they do is complain about how they don't get enough money for alcohol for their parties. Faculty meetings are full of professors complaining about email server changes and acting as obnoxious as possible. The Academic World is not the real world. Or maybe it is. What do I know?
Am I ranting? I need to do some cardio. I haven't worked out since Tuesday and I can tell. My muscles scream to me that they want to be worked.
Last week I decided I would try to eat healthier. I made some split pea soup and bought some raw spinach. I made "spinach salad" which means Spinach (80%), Greek Vinaigrette (10%), and Feta Cheese Chunks (10%). I was afraid of the split pea soup, but it isn't painful to eat, just a bit hum-drum. Finally, Frozen blueberries, Vanilla Light N Fit Dannon Yogurt, and Kashi Go Lean Crunch cereal on top. I thought it was good the first time I ate it. Now I am of the opinion that health food tastes like crap.
What did Jips get me for my birthday? Diamond Earrings. Yes. I know, he did well. They are special posts with screw on backs so that they won't fall out. Growing up I was not one of those girly-girls that was all about expensive jewelry. But the best husband in the world likes to give me pretty things. :) I bet I can adapt.
I leave you with the best political YouTube video yet.
* It is interesting that we make the same amount because Jips's maw-maw said that he could bag groceries when he decided to quit his first graduate program.
Speaking of work, Mrs. Smoltz and I had dinner yesterday. She showed me that we make the same amount of money as someone who dropped out of high school and is bagging groceries at wall mart.* Damn. But then I say that we are getting paid to get an education and we will be making tons more than the wall mart bagger once we get out. And some people in grad school don't get paid. In our program, in science, they have to pay us something. Otherwise the graduation rate would be 5% rather than the 50% it is now. We have to put up with alot of shit. Maybe it is like that in every program, and maybe not.
Jips is our program's grad student president. That means he has meetings with the "popular" kids on the grad student council and he attends faculty meetings. The popular kids in grad school act like high schoolers. All they do is complain about how they don't get enough money for alcohol for their parties. Faculty meetings are full of professors complaining about email server changes and acting as obnoxious as possible. The Academic World is not the real world. Or maybe it is. What do I know?
Am I ranting? I need to do some cardio. I haven't worked out since Tuesday and I can tell. My muscles scream to me that they want to be worked.
Last week I decided I would try to eat healthier. I made some split pea soup and bought some raw spinach. I made "spinach salad" which means Spinach (80%), Greek Vinaigrette (10%), and Feta Cheese Chunks (10%). I was afraid of the split pea soup, but it isn't painful to eat, just a bit hum-drum. Finally, Frozen blueberries, Vanilla Light N Fit Dannon Yogurt, and Kashi Go Lean Crunch cereal on top. I thought it was good the first time I ate it. Now I am of the opinion that health food tastes like crap.
What did Jips get me for my birthday? Diamond Earrings. Yes. I know, he did well. They are special posts with screw on backs so that they won't fall out. Growing up I was not one of those girly-girls that was all about expensive jewelry. But the best husband in the world likes to give me pretty things. :) I bet I can adapt.
I leave you with the best political YouTube video yet.
* It is interesting that we make the same amount because Jips's maw-maw said that he could bag groceries when he decided to quit his first graduate program.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Some people like their jobs?
In the realm of work-life balance there are several classes of opinion ranging from [My job defines me - I love my job - I am a work-a- holic] to [I hate my job and only do this for the paycheck] with all shades of gray in between. I got to thinking about this when skuh posted awhile back and said: "I still am having trouble believing that people can like what they do for a living." Do I like my job? I wondered. Now, I will begin the investigation!
My first Job: Babysitting
Pros:
(1) This job provides chance to earn tax-free money when you are under 16.
(2) You get a candid glimpse of what someone else's family is like.
Cons:
(1) Your job security may depend on the whims of children.
(2) It was hard for me to stay awake that late at night.
To sum it up:
Being an awesome babysitter takes lots of energy, hard work, and slight manipulation. Getting paid 5 to 8 dollars an hour seemed great at the time, but I am glad that this is not my job now.
My first "real" job (ages 16-18) Hostess at a medium sized pasta resturant:
Summary (and Pros):
I totally loved this job. Here are the reasons:
(1) Working let me escape from my parents during the thunderous teenage years.
(2) I was "the favorite hostess" mainly because I wasn't an idiot like most of the other hostesses, and I worked hard.
(3) The (college boy) servers were constantly flirting with me.
(4) Working let me have some income that I could spend on important things like diet coke and CDs.
(5) Being a hostess means that there is lots of social interaction with minimal intimacy. Having a set script to tell people while I was seating them was about as much intimacy as I could handle at 16.
(6) I got to color with the children's crayons while I was waiting for people to come into the restaurant.
Cons:
(1) Sometimes you have to work with really dumb and obnoxious girls that are also hostesses.
(2) Sometimes servers will direct the anger they feel towards their table at you because they lack emotional maturity.
Next job, age 18 into college: Server at various resturants
Pros:
(1) Waitressing gives social interaction with limited intimacy.
(2) I had an inner desire to wait tables, and this was a realization of my dream.
Cons:
(1) Your income depends on the mood of the people you wait on.
(2) If the restaurant isn't busy, you might not make any "real" money.
(3) Most other servers are not people that I would choose to be friends with.
Summary:
Every time Jips and I go out to eat I am thankful that I am not working in a restaurant.
I liked this job while I was there.
College age: Student Worker
Summary:
This marks the begining of my distaste for Academia.
College age: Farmer's Market Checkout Girl
Pros:
(1) If the people in line get pissy, you don't have to worry about them leaving you a bad tip.
(2) The girls I worked with were awesome.
(3) The uniform consisted of a t-shirt containing dancing fruit. I still wear them today.
(4) You get to shop for fresh fruit and veggies after work. You know exactly when the fresh strawberries arrive.
(5) You work in fresh air surrounded by fresh produce. This is a beautiful environment.
Cons:
(1) Working outside in the middle of winter means wearing 3 pairs of pants and 5 layers under your jacket.
Summary:
I have fond memories of this job. I had a nice retired navy grampa as a boss. I loved the fact that I didn't have to care about moody customers.
Grad School age: Grad school, Teaching Assistant / Research Assistant
Pros:
(1) Being a TA made me more compassionate.
(2) I am getting paid to go to school. Yes, they pay me enough to live while I focus on my degree.
(3) I split an office containing four desks with just one other female grad student that I like. (That means I get TWO desks!)
(4) I have met some awesome graduate students in my program.
(5) I actually enjoy learning and studying and researching.
Cons:
(1) The pay is much less than my B.S. degree would allow me to earn in the real world. I earn less than a high school teacher.
(2) Most professors act like rich spoiled 6th graders. These "6th graders" have control over if I get my degree or not. Dealing with this has been difficult.
(3) It is hard to have any sort of relationship with your husband or "friends" when you work constantly.
Summary:
I like research and playing around in a lab. But once I get out with my degree, I am never coming back.
Currently, I guess I do like what I do for a job on a daily basis. And I have even learned how to manage my boss!
If you didn't yet respond to Skuh's post, do you like your job?
My first Job: Babysitting
Pros:
(1) This job provides chance to earn tax-free money when you are under 16.
(2) You get a candid glimpse of what someone else's family is like.
Cons:
(1) Your job security may depend on the whims of children.
(2) It was hard for me to stay awake that late at night.
To sum it up:
Being an awesome babysitter takes lots of energy, hard work, and slight manipulation. Getting paid 5 to 8 dollars an hour seemed great at the time, but I am glad that this is not my job now.
My first "real" job (ages 16-18) Hostess at a medium sized pasta resturant:
Summary (and Pros):
I totally loved this job. Here are the reasons:
(1) Working let me escape from my parents during the thunderous teenage years.
(2) I was "the favorite hostess" mainly because I wasn't an idiot like most of the other hostesses, and I worked hard.
(3) The (college boy) servers were constantly flirting with me.
(4) Working let me have some income that I could spend on important things like diet coke and CDs.
(5) Being a hostess means that there is lots of social interaction with minimal intimacy. Having a set script to tell people while I was seating them was about as much intimacy as I could handle at 16.
(6) I got to color with the children's crayons while I was waiting for people to come into the restaurant.
Cons:
(1) Sometimes you have to work with really dumb and obnoxious girls that are also hostesses.
(2) Sometimes servers will direct the anger they feel towards their table at you because they lack emotional maturity.
Next job, age 18 into college: Server at various resturants
Pros:
(1) Waitressing gives social interaction with limited intimacy.
(2) I had an inner desire to wait tables, and this was a realization of my dream.
Cons:
(1) Your income depends on the mood of the people you wait on.
(2) If the restaurant isn't busy, you might not make any "real" money.
(3) Most other servers are not people that I would choose to be friends with.
Summary:
Every time Jips and I go out to eat I am thankful that I am not working in a restaurant.
I liked this job while I was there.
College age: Student Worker
Summary:
This marks the begining of my distaste for Academia.
College age: Farmer's Market Checkout Girl
Pros:
(1) If the people in line get pissy, you don't have to worry about them leaving you a bad tip.
(2) The girls I worked with were awesome.
(3) The uniform consisted of a t-shirt containing dancing fruit. I still wear them today.
(4) You get to shop for fresh fruit and veggies after work. You know exactly when the fresh strawberries arrive.
(5) You work in fresh air surrounded by fresh produce. This is a beautiful environment.
Cons:
(1) Working outside in the middle of winter means wearing 3 pairs of pants and 5 layers under your jacket.
Summary:
I have fond memories of this job. I had a nice retired navy grampa as a boss. I loved the fact that I didn't have to care about moody customers.
Grad School age: Grad school, Teaching Assistant / Research Assistant
Pros:
(1) Being a TA made me more compassionate.
(2) I am getting paid to go to school. Yes, they pay me enough to live while I focus on my degree.
(3) I split an office containing four desks with just one other female grad student that I like. (That means I get TWO desks!)
(4) I have met some awesome graduate students in my program.
(5) I actually enjoy learning and studying and researching.
Cons:
(1) The pay is much less than my B.S. degree would allow me to earn in the real world. I earn less than a high school teacher.
(2) Most professors act like rich spoiled 6th graders. These "6th graders" have control over if I get my degree or not. Dealing with this has been difficult.
(3) It is hard to have any sort of relationship with your husband or "friends" when you work constantly.
Summary:
I like research and playing around in a lab. But once I get out with my degree, I am never coming back.
Currently, I guess I do like what I do for a job on a daily basis. And I have even learned how to manage my boss!
If you didn't yet respond to Skuh's post, do you like your job?
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