Tuesday, February 26, 2008

the ultimate of Un-Cool

The previous posts about Identity intrigued me. I know who I am. I am beautiful, smart, thoughtful, responsible, creative, artistic, peaceful, healthy, and ridiculous. I am a scientist, a wife, a mom to my boys (dogs), a student, and a teacher. I am a friend and a daughter, maybe a sister. I have high standards for literature, music, and all other forms of expression. I have high standards for people, and an overbearing sense of justice. I dislike people that I deem unintelligent or cruel. I am hard to impress and hard to amuse. I only get surprised when my experiment starts working. (It stopped working, by the way.) I wear cool t-shirts. I never wear denim. I am an artist. I believe that kindness is the best thing. I believe that human relationships (all relationships from acquaintances to lovers) are the most important thing. I think for myself. I have my ducks in a row. I think I am the coolest person ever, although in the standards of the media, I am the ultimate of Un-Cool. I am fierce, but I am trying to be balanced. I am not always kind, but I know how to think and I have totally awesome hair. I'm shitty at spelling, I am messy, and I am prone to freaking out. I am not funny to other people, but I make myself giggle.

Now what? Are you thinking: "she has a big head"? I hate that. I hate that statement, that sentiment that we can't be in love with ourselves. Of course I have a big head. I am a scientist. We all do.

This weekend, coincidences happened, and I found myself at a bar. (!!!) Jips (husband) and I were there with Shawshank (friend) and his girlfriend (non-scientist). Now, Shawshank is a scientist, a physicist turned physical chemist. He is as smart as Jips and in the same way: he can throw theory* around and he can make anyone laugh. His girlfriend and I were talking and she said "he has a big head." And I didn't say anything. Because I hate it when people say that. I didn't say: We all have big heads. But it is true. We all do.

On a side note. I am totally inspired by this blog. Everyone posting makes me want to post. Everyone commenting. This is way better than I imagined. To my co-authors: You are incredible!

*quantum theory, string theory, etc.


Peacebone said...

I don't think you have a big head. Maybe in the literal sense, but other than that, not at all. There is NOTHING wrong with loving yourself as long as loving yourself does not equal being shitty to others, but that is not loving yourself that is jealousy and insecurity. I'm right with you on all this stuff. I feel like I'm FINALLY starting to understand all the new-age-y stuff I was really wary of before: the power of positive thinking, how important confidence is, how to start being ok (or more than just ok) with who I am--flaws and all.

Also, I like the image of you at a bar.

Also x 2, I love this blog too.

Tino said...

Posting at school on my off-period, babies. It feels naughty.

I think women in particular are trained to never say good things about ourselves--we're supposed to always be demure, self-sacrificial, overly submissive to other girls lest they think we're judging THEM by liking ourselves (because as the less-powerful gender, we're all competing for power), and supportive cheerleaders of "our men."

I think true narcisism is the real "big-headedness," and as P.B. already pointed out, that's really just desperate insecurity in disguise. When a person is immature and insecure to the point that they are only focused on how the world serves them and treats them, then I think it's okay to consider them big-headed. That shit is the opposite of self-love, which only makes you a more open and strong person who is in tune with the world around you and the way you are affecting it and other people.

Meeleez said...

I absolutely love this! I think the general idea that you are not supposed to love yourself contributes to so so many of our societal problems today. Everyone wants to focus on the negatives of everything, especially themselves. It's terrible. No wonder so many people are depressed and feeling inadequate, and jealous, and bitter, and empty. I freaking love myself. I'm not perfect by any means, and there are a few things I'm really working on, but when it comes down to it, I'm pretty awesome.

And anyone who doesn't think they are awesome is going to have a pretty tough time selling themself to someone else. I dated this guy in undergrad that had a pretty low self-esteem, and that ultimately is what killed our relationship. I just got to thinking, "You know yourself way better than I do, and if you don't think you're worth a damn, you're probably right. You would know better than I would." Okay, that's a little bit of an exaggeration, but you get the point. How can you expect a partner to respect and adore you if you can't respect and adore yourself??

So, you can just keep on thinking that you are awesome... cuz you are! And I am too :)

Novella said...

I love the aliases you are coming up with for the people in your postings. Hilarious.