I am currently reading The Ten Year Nap which was recommended to me by a professor at a near-by girls college. It has 3/5 stars on Amazon so I would not have picked it up had it not been about mothers who had stopped working to raise children-- a topic that I am interested in.
One of the reviewers on amazon said that the book is just all of these women complaining about their lives, but not changing their lives. And reading it, I find that it is a *depressing state* book. I mean that all of the characters in the book are living a life that I do not care to emulate. In short, it makes me want to return to work shortly after my kids can walk.
I was reading the book this morning, and one line in particular caught my attention-- it was something about how now that this woman character was married with kids she didn't stay out all night anymore like she did when she was single. A similar statement has been said to me by many of the women who come talk to my Women's group- except that our speakers say they don't spend all of their time working like they used to- now they lead more balanced lives.
Then I think of my life where I am young and already I have to work on leading a balanced life. If I am already working on adapting now, how will I adapt in the future? This is my handicap- the fact that I get so stressed out about life in general... Cardiovascular exercise is supposed to help with that- and it might help me some- except that thinking about doing cardio also stresses me out. That's where Yoga comes in. For the first time I am able to really relax, and I don't anxiously anticipate Yoga the way I do other activities. Yoga could be the solution to my headaches.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
I went to see Twilight: The Movie with some teacher buddies last Saturday. I had read the whole book series and was excited (Harry Potter-style) to see the film. My experiences at Cinemark made me want to write about two things:
1. Getting along with girls (I hope none of them read it. I should unlink PM from my regular blog.)
2. Human yearning?
1. I got invited to see this movie by my friend and fellow English teacher at school (we'll call her Blondie). We're kind of friends by default--we are both aware that we have nothing in common but we went through grad school together and are now working in the same place (I recommended her for the job, actually). Blondie is a person with very blond hair (obviously) and lots of eyeliner who gets drunk at bars more nights in the week than not and dates many macho loser type guys. Then she talks about her adventures in the teacher's lounge and says things like "how do I get myself into these situations?" and lets other teachers play Life Coach with her.
All that being said, she's a nice person and we get along pretty well as long as we don't spend too much time talking about her drama. But the bigger social problem is, we don't actually have anything to talk about.
So when I get invited to the movie, I think: "I could see a movie with just about anyone." Also, that this would be a way to show her that I'm willing to hang out every once in a while (I usually dog out) so that I wouldn't look like I never want to. Gee, that looks pretty awful once you type it out.
Saturday: two other teachers join us. One's a science teacher from our school and one's from another school (friend of science teacher). Science teacher is 36 years old with dyed black hair and piercing on the inside swirly part of her ear (I don't know what that's called, but it's notable for a teacher). Teacher from other school has long brown hair and talks about her dogs. Both are nice, but here's what lunch was like:
The three girls "joke" back and forth about how they are all sluts and basically take turns telling stories about these lame guys that they are not really dating but who just WON'T stop calling and texting. They've all got their phones out on the table and are sending or receiving texts throughout the conversation. What was most boring about this lunch was that this "You're a slut, no you're a slut" exchange was standing in for humor. That was it! Nothing interesting or funny was said the whole time, and nobody was asking questions and listening to anyone else, either. It was just taking turns talking. I just kept thinking I'd be having such a good time if my other friends who are actually fun and funny were here.
The high schooler in me couldn't help but wonder if this was what it was like to hang out with the popular girls. I think a couple of years ago, this lunch would have made me feel inadequate or boring and I would have believed in the Sex in the City charade, but this time it was just plain boring, and a little sad (in an empty way).
But there's this other part of me that recognizes my own superiority complex--the older I get, the more ridiculous it is for me to stereotype people like we're all in high school and the harder it gets to ignore the complexities of people's lives (as Fermi says: the XY axis isn't complicated enough to chart someone's life).
What we did all have in common at that table was that we are all self-aware and we want for people to think we're interesting, fun, sexy, and smart. We just have different ideas of what those qualities are.
But, the thing that still pisses me off every once in awhile is when I feel Blondie stereotyping me as a complete square. She has this look of utter shock when she asks me what I did over the weekend and it involved leaving my house. She also says things like "You don't seem like the type of person who would..." a lot. I mean really, is going to bars the only thing that makes a person (and a grown-ass person, I might add) interesting? I know it's rough to be single sometimes, but can't you all stop trying to one-up each other with what you think are wild n' crazy tales that you were the first one to experience? Nobody wants to sit there and listen just so you can feel interesting while telling it!
Why do you care what she thinks? you might be thinking. Good point.
This is getting lengthy, so I'll have to write about human yearning some other time.
1. Getting along with girls (I hope none of them read it. I should unlink PM from my regular blog.)
2. Human yearning?
1. I got invited to see this movie by my friend and fellow English teacher at school (we'll call her Blondie). We're kind of friends by default--we are both aware that we have nothing in common but we went through grad school together and are now working in the same place (I recommended her for the job, actually). Blondie is a person with very blond hair (obviously) and lots of eyeliner who gets drunk at bars more nights in the week than not and dates many macho loser type guys. Then she talks about her adventures in the teacher's lounge and says things like "how do I get myself into these situations?" and lets other teachers play Life Coach with her.
All that being said, she's a nice person and we get along pretty well as long as we don't spend too much time talking about her drama. But the bigger social problem is, we don't actually have anything to talk about.
So when I get invited to the movie, I think: "I could see a movie with just about anyone." Also, that this would be a way to show her that I'm willing to hang out every once in a while (I usually dog out) so that I wouldn't look like I never want to. Gee, that looks pretty awful once you type it out.
Saturday: two other teachers join us. One's a science teacher from our school and one's from another school (friend of science teacher). Science teacher is 36 years old with dyed black hair and piercing on the inside swirly part of her ear (I don't know what that's called, but it's notable for a teacher). Teacher from other school has long brown hair and talks about her dogs. Both are nice, but here's what lunch was like:
The three girls "joke" back and forth about how they are all sluts and basically take turns telling stories about these lame guys that they are not really dating but who just WON'T stop calling and texting. They've all got their phones out on the table and are sending or receiving texts throughout the conversation. What was most boring about this lunch was that this "You're a slut, no you're a slut" exchange was standing in for humor. That was it! Nothing interesting or funny was said the whole time, and nobody was asking questions and listening to anyone else, either. It was just taking turns talking. I just kept thinking I'd be having such a good time if my other friends who are actually fun and funny were here.
The high schooler in me couldn't help but wonder if this was what it was like to hang out with the popular girls. I think a couple of years ago, this lunch would have made me feel inadequate or boring and I would have believed in the Sex in the City charade, but this time it was just plain boring, and a little sad (in an empty way).
But there's this other part of me that recognizes my own superiority complex--the older I get, the more ridiculous it is for me to stereotype people like we're all in high school and the harder it gets to ignore the complexities of people's lives (as Fermi says: the XY axis isn't complicated enough to chart someone's life).
What we did all have in common at that table was that we are all self-aware and we want for people to think we're interesting, fun, sexy, and smart. We just have different ideas of what those qualities are.
But, the thing that still pisses me off every once in awhile is when I feel Blondie stereotyping me as a complete square. She has this look of utter shock when she asks me what I did over the weekend and it involved leaving my house. She also says things like "You don't seem like the type of person who would..." a lot. I mean really, is going to bars the only thing that makes a person (and a grown-ass person, I might add) interesting? I know it's rough to be single sometimes, but can't you all stop trying to one-up each other with what you think are wild n' crazy tales that you were the first one to experience? Nobody wants to sit there and listen just so you can feel interesting while telling it!
Why do you care what she thinks? you might be thinking. Good point.
This is getting lengthy, so I'll have to write about human yearning some other time.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Life vectors and Money
Novella came and stayed at my apartment recently. I had a very good time with her, and we got to hang out more than I was expecting which was nice. Along with other things we talked about people we knew from high school and what/how they are doing now. I started thinking about high school people -- about how we all had very similar day-to-day lives at one time, and now we have scattered and are doing very different things with our lives.
Then I think- maybe it only seemed like we had similar lives. Maybe the part of our lives that was the same was not the part that mattered. Maybe the things that influenced us were the parts that were not so visible to my high school eyes.
I guess this is the nature vs nurture thing. Or it could be the nature and nurture thing where nature (our genetics) is the X axis and nurture (our experiences) is the Y axis, and our resulting direction in life is the vector in space having both X and Y components. And that is how it would be in 2 dimensions. But with genetics I imagine that we would not only have multiple lengths of the X axis component, but also that we would have other dimensional possibilities.
So the part that is the same is the fact that we wall went to the same high school. But there are so many other variables. How much did we pay attention in class? How did our home life influence our interest in school or boys or girls or drugs? Maybe our home life was so drastically different that it switches us into another dimension entirely. If we consider all of this it makes perfect sense that members of a high school class would be scattered about the universe.
Human beings have too many variables to make a good science experiment. In the class I am auditing I think about how there is so much we don't know about biology and life. We don't know every step in evolution, although we have pieces. We cannot create a living E.Coli bacterium yet (from non-living synthetic materials.) I feel like we are close. We should be able to create an E.Coli. But even bacterial life is SO complicated. If humans continue to exist for long enough (assuming we don't bomb ourselves into extinction) I bet we will get far enough in science to create life from non-living materials.
-----------
On a side note- tomorrow is Monday. I am meeting with my boss AND ordering supplies for my project. The total cost of supplies I need is $7.40. I have a feeling that my boss will tell me to purchase the supplies with my own money. And I will tell him no.
I have the feeling because in the past he has told us to purchase things with our own money - and I have already spent $170 on my research project of my own money. I am not doing this anymore. It pisses me off because it is HIS JOB to get us funding - AND he makes ten times as much money as I make. And he expects me to use my salary to do HIS job, and still do my job? The problem is that my boss feels that he doesn't have enough money. He is selfish and stingy.
I am ready to tell him tomorrow that I am not spending another cent on my research project, and that if he doesn't have the money to support my project then I can find another group.
This is hard for me because I am standing up to my boss, and because it is dealing with money. I have issues with money because my dad never wanted to spend money and so I thought that if I spent less money than he would love me more.
The great thing is that Jips, my husband, loves to spend money. And since I want him to have the things he wants because I love him and we can actually afford the things he wants... it makes me think that I can have the things I want then, too.
But beyond my husband - I have trouble with money. I hate talking about it. I hate asking my boss to spend money on my research because he is always acting pissy about spending the money. So this will be a big step for me.
Then I think- maybe it only seemed like we had similar lives. Maybe the part of our lives that was the same was not the part that mattered. Maybe the things that influenced us were the parts that were not so visible to my high school eyes.
I guess this is the nature vs nurture thing. Or it could be the nature and nurture thing where nature (our genetics) is the X axis and nurture (our experiences) is the Y axis, and our resulting direction in life is the vector in space having both X and Y components. And that is how it would be in 2 dimensions. But with genetics I imagine that we would not only have multiple lengths of the X axis component, but also that we would have other dimensional possibilities.
So the part that is the same is the fact that we wall went to the same high school. But there are so many other variables. How much did we pay attention in class? How did our home life influence our interest in school or boys or girls or drugs? Maybe our home life was so drastically different that it switches us into another dimension entirely. If we consider all of this it makes perfect sense that members of a high school class would be scattered about the universe.
Human beings have too many variables to make a good science experiment. In the class I am auditing I think about how there is so much we don't know about biology and life. We don't know every step in evolution, although we have pieces. We cannot create a living E.Coli bacterium yet (from non-living synthetic materials.) I feel like we are close. We should be able to create an E.Coli. But even bacterial life is SO complicated. If humans continue to exist for long enough (assuming we don't bomb ourselves into extinction) I bet we will get far enough in science to create life from non-living materials.
-----------
On a side note- tomorrow is Monday. I am meeting with my boss AND ordering supplies for my project. The total cost of supplies I need is $7.40. I have a feeling that my boss will tell me to purchase the supplies with my own money. And I will tell him no.
I have the feeling because in the past he has told us to purchase things with our own money - and I have already spent $170 on my research project of my own money. I am not doing this anymore. It pisses me off because it is HIS JOB to get us funding - AND he makes ten times as much money as I make. And he expects me to use my salary to do HIS job, and still do my job? The problem is that my boss feels that he doesn't have enough money. He is selfish and stingy.
I am ready to tell him tomorrow that I am not spending another cent on my research project, and that if he doesn't have the money to support my project then I can find another group.
This is hard for me because I am standing up to my boss, and because it is dealing with money. I have issues with money because my dad never wanted to spend money and so I thought that if I spent less money than he would love me more.
The great thing is that Jips, my husband, loves to spend money. And since I want him to have the things he wants because I love him and we can actually afford the things he wants... it makes me think that I can have the things I want then, too.
But beyond my husband - I have trouble with money. I hate talking about it. I hate asking my boss to spend money on my research because he is always acting pissy about spending the money. So this will be a big step for me.
Friday, November 21, 2008
point for a penguin
So since we like to talk about grad school things on this site and since grad school is one of the main things keeping me from posting more often than once every 2 months or so, I will post a story.
The setup: Contemporary Political Theory class. 9 - 11:50 thursday mornings. This was my week to lead discussion and make questions for the class. There are about 20 people in this class. Most of the people get along pretty well and are respectful to one another. There are a lot of crazy terms flying around that don't actually mean anything, but there are other people besides myself who don't live (or aspire to live) the purely academic (read bullshit) life of political science grad students. Anyway, everyone in this class is nice and respectful except for this one guy, we'll call him super-prick.
cast of characters:
myself: feisty, had very little sleep the night before, worked very hard to do a good job with this presentation stuff
super-prick: things he is God's gift to everything and everyone on Earth (and probably beyond). Thinks he is the smartest person in class, more so than the teacher or those who have studied more, longer, and in more places than here. He's tall and definitely conventionally attractive (I'm sure some brainless girls have been stupid enough to fuck him over the years, that is if he will let beings of substandard intelligence go near his axis of power). What is, by far, the most infuriating thing about this jackass is that he is so arrogant about knowing a lot about political theory and he is, by far, the most condescending person I have ever encountered. He generally doesn't even look up from his paper when he speaks.
Right before our face off:
The topic of the class is multiculturalism. One of the quotes I found from the book is that universities have an obligation to protect people from racist thought, even if it might go against free speech. Then I gave a quote from the LSU chancellor in a letter from 2006 saying that the university discourages but will not ban the flying of a purple and gold confederate flag. Maybe it wasn't the most theoretical of questions, but it talked about the not so pretty side of culture, and it also related to the culture of this area (the south in general). People are raising their hands and discussing things. There seems to be a good response, then this:
super-prick: (long pause) When I thought about this question (leans back in his chair for a long pause) I was reminded of high school and being stuck with these kinds of question in civics class.
(note: I can't remember what exactly he said, but he said it in a condescending way and basically said to the whole class, since he's too much of a pussy to address me outright, that he thinks my questions were not on his elevated level)
peace bone: (somewhat jokingly) well I did teach high school last year
super-prick: well I guess that fits
(damn son, why don't you just tell me I need to leave your intellectual space since I'm tarnishing your brain waves.)
So the class goes on and more people raise their hands and offer talking points. Super-prick raises his own hand to chime in.
super-prick: I would like to pose my own question (assumingly because mine was so inadequate)
peacebone: (interrupting loud enough for all in the class to hear) oh, is this a college level one?
super-prick: (blank stare and silence)
giggling ensues from a good number of people in the class.
Score 1 for peacebone!
The setup: Contemporary Political Theory class. 9 - 11:50 thursday mornings. This was my week to lead discussion and make questions for the class. There are about 20 people in this class. Most of the people get along pretty well and are respectful to one another. There are a lot of crazy terms flying around that don't actually mean anything, but there are other people besides myself who don't live (or aspire to live) the purely academic (read bullshit) life of political science grad students. Anyway, everyone in this class is nice and respectful except for this one guy, we'll call him super-prick.
cast of characters:
myself: feisty, had very little sleep the night before, worked very hard to do a good job with this presentation stuff
super-prick: things he is God's gift to everything and everyone on Earth (and probably beyond). Thinks he is the smartest person in class, more so than the teacher or those who have studied more, longer, and in more places than here. He's tall and definitely conventionally attractive (I'm sure some brainless girls have been stupid enough to fuck him over the years, that is if he will let beings of substandard intelligence go near his axis of power). What is, by far, the most infuriating thing about this jackass is that he is so arrogant about knowing a lot about political theory and he is, by far, the most condescending person I have ever encountered. He generally doesn't even look up from his paper when he speaks.
Right before our face off:
The topic of the class is multiculturalism. One of the quotes I found from the book is that universities have an obligation to protect people from racist thought, even if it might go against free speech. Then I gave a quote from the LSU chancellor in a letter from 2006 saying that the university discourages but will not ban the flying of a purple and gold confederate flag. Maybe it wasn't the most theoretical of questions, but it talked about the not so pretty side of culture, and it also related to the culture of this area (the south in general). People are raising their hands and discussing things. There seems to be a good response, then this:
super-prick: (long pause) When I thought about this question (leans back in his chair for a long pause) I was reminded of high school and being stuck with these kinds of question in civics class.
(note: I can't remember what exactly he said, but he said it in a condescending way and basically said to the whole class, since he's too much of a pussy to address me outright, that he thinks my questions were not on his elevated level)
peace bone: (somewhat jokingly) well I did teach high school last year
super-prick: well I guess that fits
(damn son, why don't you just tell me I need to leave your intellectual space since I'm tarnishing your brain waves.)
So the class goes on and more people raise their hands and offer talking points. Super-prick raises his own hand to chime in.
super-prick: I would like to pose my own question (assumingly because mine was so inadequate)
peacebone: (interrupting loud enough for all in the class to hear) oh, is this a college level one?
super-prick: (blank stare and silence)
giggling ensues from a good number of people in the class.
Score 1 for peacebone!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Your laptop will love you for this.
I sprayed Febreze on my hair tonight. I went to a cook-out before coming home from work, and I helped with the grill. This meant that my hair and clothes smelled strongly of charcoal. Clothes are easy enough to change, but hair -- what could I do? I didn't want to shower, and spraying Yardley London English Lavender on my hair would only make me more nauseous. I needed something to eat up the odor -- and Febreze did the trick.
Had I been in a reasonable state of mind, it would have been easy for me to take a shower. In fact showering is what I probably should be doing now. Instead of being reasonable, I am a slave to my desires: for yoga and blogging.
Today is my third day of doing the video: Fat Free Yoga. I am a bit obsessed with the way it makes me feel. The video itself is a bit hokey. Well, its not really the video but rather the narration:
You might not like this pose, but it likes you!
Your kidneys will love you for this. Your adrenals will love you for this.
One of the four workouts is even titled: Your life is in your own glands.
I do all of the 4 workouts except for the 16 sniffs in the gland segment. It is the "exercise" where you take 16 small sniffs inhaling, followed by 16 small sniffs exhaling. I actually tried to play along the first day, but I ended up with 12 sniffs each and then I was all out of rhythm with the video.
The video makes me feel so happy after and the next day. I think I am going to go shower now.
Had I been in a reasonable state of mind, it would have been easy for me to take a shower. In fact showering is what I probably should be doing now. Instead of being reasonable, I am a slave to my desires: for yoga and blogging.
Today is my third day of doing the video: Fat Free Yoga. I am a bit obsessed with the way it makes me feel. The video itself is a bit hokey. Well, its not really the video but rather the narration:
You might not like this pose, but it likes you!
Your kidneys will love you for this. Your adrenals will love you for this.
One of the four workouts is even titled: Your life is in your own glands.
I do all of the 4 workouts except for the 16 sniffs in the gland segment. It is the "exercise" where you take 16 small sniffs inhaling, followed by 16 small sniffs exhaling. I actually tried to play along the first day, but I ended up with 12 sniffs each and then I was all out of rhythm with the video.
The video makes me feel so happy after and the next day. I think I am going to go shower now.
Monday, November 10, 2008
no substitute
Attitude is everything no substitute for quality work.
I am too tired to write a whole post about this... but feel free to share your thoughts.
I am too tired to write a whole post about this... but feel free to share your thoughts.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
the floor is made of lava
toothpastefordinner.com
How Babies Are Made 10/30/08 is a blog post by Natalie Dee that has significantly influenced my life. Hopefully the link gets you there. If not, I believe I have provided enough information for you to find it.
How Babies Are Made has cured me of my "baby wanting" for the time being. This is good, because the idea of babies seems very appealing when compared with the drudgery of my graduate program-- however, the Hell written about in How Babies Are Made is significantly worse than grad school.
In other news, Tino has requested that I post some pics of the pups. Previously, I have refrained from posting any photos of my dogs because it could be incriminating evidence of my true identity. But now, I say: Bah! I am taking the risk.
The first photo is of Herman; I have titled it: The Floor Is Made of Lava, because he is walking from the chair to the couch as a kid would if they were playing the game.
The next photo is of Diego. He is our little Red Headed Step Child. 
And finally, we have them both together on the couch in Together On The Couch.
Training Success: A Review, Days 1-5
The book says that we are supposed to do 2 training sessions a day of 20 repetitions of click and treat for 3 days. That didn't quite happen. I do think that my dogs get the idea of their current training sessions now, though. Here is a review of our progress:
Wed (day 1): 1 session PM
Thurs (day 2): 2 total sessions: AM and PM
Friday (3): 1 session AM
Saturday (4): 1 session AM
Sunday (5, today): 1 session AM
Today I actually have time to do more sessions with them but I am going to try to move on at this point. So far we have had 6 sessions which is the same number we would have had in 3 days of twice a day.
In Chicken Liver news, I have decided to trash the remaining livers. The livers have a grainy texture that fragments in my fingers as I try to feed them to Diego. On top of that they smell horrible. Chicken Livers have been the bane of my training existence.
I am also looking forward to moving on to the next training exercise because Diego has a problem of being over-zealous about food so that he scrapes my fingers with his teeth every time I try to put a treat in his mouth. I have cut up longer strips of centimeter cheese to help with this, but the box game that comes next will solve the teeth scrape problem.
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