well I thought about the army... got a job at CFA

Why I still love Chick-fil-a even though they're anti-gay.

Chick-fil-a started in Atlanta, and is a significant part of the Atlanta culture.

Locations of CFAs in ATL:

Gays are also a significant part of the Atlanta culture.

Personally, I think people should be able to partner with whoever they want.  I think non-traditional marriages are necessary.  I even think that if 2 friends want to have a non-sexual but committed relationship, then they, too, should be able to make a legal commitment and get all of the rights and benefits of a traditional marriage partnership.

On top of this, I love Chick-fil-a.  There is a CFA near our apartment, and J and I go there often- at least once a week- but maybe more.  It is run by this older looking (48-55? yo) Indian guy with a comb-over, who is very nice.  There is a younger Indian guy (27 yo?) who might be his son who is also a manager there. These 2 high-school-looking Indian girls work there.  Then there are the black guys.  There is an american black guy who looks about 30, he is a little overweight, has glasses, and is really nice.  Then there is this other one- he looks African-black, and is older- 50ish? he helps us out, too.  They know us at that CFA.  And I love them.

CFA is run well- there are fresh flowers on the tables, and they give you free refills on soft drinks.  They have nutrition facts available, and they just got these new desserts!  The chocolate chip cookie sundae is the BEST!  The dining room is always clean.  People seem happy to work there.  And- they are closed on Sunday.  I bet this is good for business because it creates a yearning in your heart for chicken strips when you drive by on a Sunday and know you cannot have them.  Additionally, it gives their employees a day of rest- which is necessary and forgotten by most of America.

When I meet people for the first time, and the topic of "time not spent working" comes up, the topic of what you do for fun or pleasure, many people say they like to eat out, cook, or something around food.  They like expensive snooty restaurants.  And for me, food is a problem.  I try to not focus on it, and I hate going to restaurants where there is a wait-staff.  But I love CFA.  Why?

I realized that I do like to eat out at certain places, and there are similarities in the places I like to go.

Characteristics of places I like to eat:

1) Order at the front and go sit down.  No wait-staff.

I don't like talking to people trying to earn my money.  I want to just chill with J and eat my food.

2) Diversity of people eating at the place.

I like to go eat because I consider it to be a "show." A reality-life show where people don't know that they are the stars.  I like my CFA, because there are a wide range of customers.  We used to have the gay couples there, and the families with kids, and the old retired couples, and the high school girls, and the college kids.  People can wear interesting outfits to CFA (bright colors, overly-sexy, or Cinderella costumes).  Some restaurants are the Yuppie Restaurants (YR).  Yes, they might have good food, and there are some YR in Atlanta that are order at counter and then chill, but since people-watching is a primary reason for me to enter into society, a low diversity patron group such as All-Yuppies, or All-Atlanta-Blacks makes my dining experience poor and less interesting.

3) Relaxed atmosphere.

Part of this comes from not-being-waited-on.  Another part comes from the fact that I know I probably will not destroy anything in this place unintentionally.  AND- this is major- I can order ANYTHING or NOTHING and it is OK.  I can go at dinner time and just get an ice cream cone.  No problem.

4) Low Staff Turn-Over and Non-White or Diverse Staff.

Finally, I like going somewhere where I can see someone familiar for 5 minutes and then be left alone.  That is about my speed.  So I like seeing the same person at the counter.  I know our meeting will be short and pleasant.  And- since I go to the same places a lot- they remember me, too.  Non-White or Diverse Staff.  I don't even know why I like this, but it might be an indicator of interestingness of the place.

BONUS: ONLY FOR CFA

5) Ben Folds worked there and sang about it in Army.

Is it interesting that the Army and CFA are two anti-gay establishments?

Coming back to the Gay controversy.  Did you know Marriott is run by Mormons?

I am still happy to go to CFA even though the leader's views are different from mine.

Why?

Because I don't care about his opinions.

I don't care how he spends his money.

He runs a great company- a company that distinguishes itself from all other fast food chains.

So he gets money- he earned it honestly, as far as I can tell.

I don't care about what most people believe.

I want to understand what motivates individuals, in general.

But unless they are directly influencing my life because of that belief, than I do not care.

I bet I would feel differently if I was gay- because maybe I would think he was influencing my life. 

But I am not gay.

I think it is OK for people to make their own choices about how to spend their money and about what they want to believe in.  I think it is OK if people think differently from me.

I think this CFA uproar is more about people trying to pick a fight with CFA, than anything else.

Let it go, and find the pleasure in a Saturday morning chicken biscuit.

   

Art Alexakis fails at Summerland 2012

On Friday night J and I went to Chastain Park to see the Summerland 2012 Tour: Marcy Playground, Lit, Gin Blossoms, Sugar Ray, and Everclear.  We went for me.  My musical history goes something like this:

5th grade: Ace of Base

8th or 9th grade: Blink 182, Lit, and Matchbox 20

10th or 11th grade: Everclear serves as one of the gateway bands to music that I become no longer ashamed of admitting I listen to.

I wanted to go see Summerland because I wanted to see Everclear.  But it was only going to be Art Alesakis  from everclear- no matter- I will see fake-everclear- and even if it is like a cover band of everclear I will enjoy it.

Highlights/ (bullet points?) of the evening:

1) not huge crowds like before Radiohead

2) Chastain Park has HORSES!!!!  Amazing.  I want to go back and secretly visit them.

3) Marcy Playground is enjoyable.

4) Lit is fun. FUN FUN.  They are good performers.  High Energy.  I liked their new songs.

5) Gin Blossoms- kind of lame.  very lame? 

6) Sugar Ray is funny.  This guy is a performer.  This other blogger called Mark McGrath a douche, which yes, I can see that, but Mark seems to play the doucheness up in a full-character-douche-roll* which I can appreciate the beauty of - from the sidelines of not buying into it.  they started with "Wipe Out" which reminded me that I should look up indie bands doing Surf Rock- because I like it.

7) Everclear.  Everclear was HORRIBLE.  Or really it was just Art Alexakis.  If you have ever seen someone do a really wretched job at karaoke, then you had the experience that I had watching Art. 

Symptoms of Bad Karaoke (Or how Art fucked up):

#1- You do not sing all of the words in the song.

Singing 50% of the words is OK if you are driving in your car - rocking out to the band on the radio.

Singing all of the words takes a considerably larger amount of focus and energy, and it is why being a front-man is hard work.

#2- Something sounds wrong.

The volume of vocals to volume of music is off.  The tune is off.  ?? I don't know but we just shook our heads and said "this sounds horrible."  This is also when most of the people walked out of the amphitheater- during Art's 2nd song.

#3- You sing too fast or too slow.

Art sang "Wonderful" too fast- and it did not appear to be on purpose.

Maybe there were more reasons why Art sucked- but we left by then...

Seeing Art was disappointing.

The other interesting bit was that it seemed like the guys in his band and in all of the other bands KNEW Art was failing.  They came out and tried to help him sing.  The gin blossoms guy basically had to sing ALL of Art's new song- with Art as backup.  Then the Lit guy came out to help.  It was embarrassingly bad.

At first I thought he just got fucked-up before the show so he could not perform as well high as he thought he was performing.  Then I did some reading- and this guy is 50.  J said it reminded him of seeing Old-Ozzy.  What if you do a huge amount of drugs during a crucial stage of brain development (say age 8-14) and then you suffer the normal brain atrophy that occurs with aging - and you are fucked and unable to communicate or self-monitor.  

Maybe that is what we were watching.  It certainly wasn't Everclear.

*douche-role would be the character role, yes, but Douche-Roll could be the new offering next to the spring roll at tin drum.  Can you see a rice-paper wrapped Mark McGrath?


UPDATE 7/17/12:
I did some additional searching and some people are saying that Art has performed this way since 2003, and his voice is shot because of vocal surgeries.  Although he does have this problem of singing into the microphone.  How do you explain that?

"his voice seemed to be the only real problem." But that would be a big problem if what you are contributing to the song is your voice.

it's friday!

so this past weekend i went to austin city limits with the hubby and my little sister. it was SO fantastic....there is something about being with thousands of other people outside and being able to see 10 of your favorite bands all in one weekend. i haven't been able to go in the last 3 years, so it was really nice to go back.

and austin has quickly moved to the top of the "where we want to move after gradschool is over" list. :)



the real reason i felt the urge to post now is that i had a very enlightening experience a few minutes ago..... my major professor decided that i have to start meeting (and interacting) with our weekly seminar speakers. this is quite a scary task because these seminar speakers are in the top of their respective fields in economics, and i'm just not on their level. the one thing you don't want is to make a bad impression on someone who could eventually offer you a job. plus i have a tendency to say very very dumb things when i get nervous.

anyway, the meeting was actually really great.... i explained my research as a third year student would (extremely nervously) and yet managed to sound intelligent. i also got the best compliment there is: "this topic is really interesting to everyone"



that, my friends, is an extremely good sign!

Pushing Forward

It's interesting reading about you guys gearing up for the new semester. My girlfriend starts school on Wednesday as well. It's scary how quickly I've forgotten what student life is like. I guess I've made so many changes since I graduated that it's no wonder my brain has written-over some of those old routines. So, what's going on with me this week? My girlfriend moved into a new apartment on Sunday. It's a very nice apartment in a yet-to-be gentrified area of Bushwick. It's 4 subway stops east of my apartment, and only takes about 15 minutes door-to-door, which is nice. The area is interesting because it borders Ridgewood, Queens, which is very residential and pretty, and on the side there are vast industrial vacant lots and tons of projects. The rent is cheap, and artists and hipsters are swarming there. The area can be dangerous, but as long as you're not an asshole to the long-time residents and you support the local businesses, the day-to-day vibe is friendly. I hope that she will be a lot happier there.

I start band rehearsal on Wednesday for our Brooklyn show on Saturday. We haven't played a hometown show in a while (Siren Fest excluded), so it should be pretty crazy and hopefully fun! I have several solo shows coming up in September and am also playing in a guitar ensemble for a piece that my friend composed. Also, it seems that I'm going to be playing a show in Nîmes, France in December! An experimental music festival there wants to fly me out to perform, and that's just not the type of opportunity I can say no to at this point in my life. I should be receiving the contract soon, so hopefully this will happen and be amazing. Another exciting thing on the horizon is that I was invited to screen one of my short films at a festival here in NY in October that features the work of women in multimedia arts. I'm excited about all of these opportunities and trying not to get stressed out about fitting everything into my schedule. I need a day job where I work less and make more. Not going to happen, but it's nice to fantasize about sometimes...

Work Music

I spent my whole day at work in front of one computer or another manipulating my data. This is totally different from most of my days lately that at least involve some wet-chemistry bench work. The good thing is that most of this data manipulation is semi-mindless, (read: an undergrad could do it.) and I got to listen to my Ipod while I was processing my files.

I noted two songs that I hadn't enjoyed before:

"Let the Devil In" by TV on the Radio (Untitled 2006 TVOTR Album)

and

"Song No. 6 (with Ron Sexsmith)" by Ane Brun off of the album: A Temporary Dive

I don't remember too much about the TVOTR song now, I will have to give it a re-listen, but I remember thinking that Peaches would love Song No. 6. So let me know what you think, Peach-bone.

Successful Dissuasion

This pie chart goes out from Fermi to Jips.


more graph humor and song chart memes


I hung out with Maru again yesterday. We did a pre-recording of her radio show, in one hour segments, and it was great except when I listened to it with Jips the second hour of the show didn't make it on air, something must of gone wrong with the way she programmed it in. Anyway it was extremely disappointing.

Maru is very fun and funny partly because she is very hip but doesn't know it. It is refreshing to be free of the subtle arrogance I am so often surrounded with. On our way to do the show she asks me if I mind stopping by a record store. I'm like, Of course I don't mind! Record stores are totally cool! And she wanted to go to this one place that I drive by at least once a week, and always wanted to check out but never made the time. It turns out, we were too early. It was 10 am and it didn't open until 11. I successfully dissuaded her from calling the owner* to tell him that there was an emergency and we needed some records for a radio show.

The List
2. Boss Anger Group Meeting Communication
3. Maru, Katu, and Arum Rae (also Jed, THE FAN)
5. Experiments working

I am getting rid of these blog topics because work (the topics of 2 and 5) is ridiculous. I don't even desire to blog about it anymore because I don't feel it is worth my time. This could actually be a good thing because I have found other things in my life that give me happiness and excitement. Work is still shitty, but I am getting better at spending my free time focusing on and filling myself with the things in life that make me happy.

As for (3) Maru, Katu, and I went to see Arum Rae where I met Jed, the FAN who dances with his whole body: head, neck, arms, legs, and torso. Maru commented that he looks like a possessed-with-the-holy-spirit gospel dancer. That is the best description of it yet. If you haven't checked out Arum's music yet, you should. Solitude Lane and Lookin' For Love would be great tracks to start with.

Jips watched "how to give a man hug" (see previous post) and thought it was hilarious. If you haven't watched it yet, you are in for a treat!

*the number was on the window in case of emergencies

The List
6. Black boys catcalls
7. Harlem Shakes Vampire Weekend vs Bonaroo Music Festival
8. Magazine Obsession
9. Cake Therapy
14. Penelope Trunk's writing
15. Things that make me happy
16. Feeling happy vs Feeling Powerful vs Feeling Superior
17. Jips comes home
18. Flowers and Presents

Broccoli with a neck-tie

I hung out with Maru yesterday. She made this father's day card. Broccoli with cotton balls painted green as the flower-bud part, and a ribbon tied around the stalk in a neck-tie fashion.

After our hang-out date, she invited me to come do her radio-show with her. I accepted. It was pretty neat. I was the guest DJ Fermi. It was terrifying at first, I don't think I have smoked enough pot to be on a college radio station. But then when Jips told me via Google IM that you could tell I had never been on the air before, I decided to step it up a notch in the "coolness" arena and I think it went better from that point on.

John McCain = Butternut Squash

The Internet in my apartment went out last night. :( Hopefully Jips will call and get that fixed. I have a great deal to write about in the next few days, but first here is a sample of some things I have been enjoying on the Internet:

John McCain = Butternut Squash

The John McCain post is by one of my new favorite personal bloggers: a pregnant lawyer named B. I'm not into politics, but this post was excellent.

Happy Feet (music video)

Remember that old post I wrote about blog networks? Well there is another network full of people who work in advertising. These next 2 links are from adssuck.blogspot.com, apparently working in advertising sucks or something, I am not sure. It seems obvious to me that working in advertising would suck. I guess it was not obvious to all of these bloggers when they chose a career in it.

Happy Feet (above) is this girl playing 4 instruments and singing. Watch the whole thing cause she rocks out with a violin at the very end. It is catchy, too.

Not that into you (Trailer)

The trailer is about a movie based on the book: He's just not that into you. ( I think that is the title.) Anyway, it looks awesome. This was the first time I saw the trailer, and there is another trailer on the IMDB site but you have to watch a commercial first, and Ads Suck, remember?

In the Neighborhood

I passed this mural the other day while I was walking to my new apartment. I like it. My new place is slowly coming together. I've stayed there the past three nights. I have a new bed, new sofa, and two chairs that I bought at an estate sale we stumbled upon up in the Catskills. The place feels empty, and while I know that will change soon, I can't help but feel a little glum about it.

The new P&L record is almost finished. I received all of the rough mixes yesterday, and it felt really good to hear everything coming together.

Tuesday Afternoon in June

I have been listening to her album nonstop for 2 days.

endearing when you're young

Traveling back home, my mom and I sat next to a stranger on the plane.
He asked me: "What motivates you? What drives you? What causes you to get up in the morning and go to work?"

I didn't know. I still don't know.

I am still burnt out from my Oral Exam. I go to work and fiddle around the lab. I am even fixing our water purification system, but my heart isn't in it. At the end of the day I cannot wait to leave. I daydream about reading philosophy and history and behavioral psychology. I daydream about blogging.

I have been thinking about intimacy lately. Novella mentioned that singing is intimate. I started to explore in my mind other intimate but non-sexual things. When I used to babysit I was always amazed at how ready for intimacy the kids are. They would just curl up in my lap ready for a story to be read to them. So lap-sitting and story-reading can be intimate things, although I can imagine situations where they are not so intimate.

So what does it take for something to be intimate? Is it any less intimate when a rock star sings than when I sing? I think so. The rock star has already whored himself out to the world. Maybe doing something for money removes the intimate element.

Looking at someones music collection can be intimate. It can show you pieces of the person that you did not know existed. Maybe intimacy is about knowing and allowing yourself to be known without any ulterior motives. Is intimacy about feeling?

And finally, some nice quotes:

Being a fuck-up with a good heart is endearing when you're young; if you've not changed by the time you hit your late twenties, well, you're probably just pretty much a fuck-up, and eventually, you become annoying.
-Mark Richardson in a review of The Replacements

Sure, religion saves lives. So does tobacco -- ask those GIs for whom tobacco was an even greater comfort than religion during World War II, the Korean War, and Vietnam.
-Daniel C. Dennett in Breaking the Spell

Frisky Dingo & Honey G, BFF

This seems to be an odd arrangement of photos. Walking around a city gives you a different perspective than driving around in it.
Obviously, you go
slower when you walk. Maybe that is why I tend to notice more things. Like this Frisky Dingo sign. It is a bit disturbing at first because of the black and gray and red eyes. But then ... I think: Frisky Dingo... That should mean a dog, not some sunken old face. Speaking of dogs, I was walking mine and there was a dog in a house. He was laying by the stairs but when he saw me get my camera he stood up and started
barking at us. He lives in this really modern house with a tall glass enclosed staircase.

This past weekend we had Honey G and his girlfriend over. Honey G is a pretty awesome guy that works with Jips. We played Rockband. It was fun and interesting. Jips was on drums, Honey G played guitar, and I was prepared to be the bassist while Honey G's girl sang, but she apparently did not feel comfortable singing loud and strong like I do... so I ended up singing.

Singing alone in front of people is something that takes some getting used to. I was scared when I first did it... mostly because growing up my sister always told me how much I sucked at singing. But on Rockband (like sing-star and karaoke revolution) you get points for hitting the right notes at the right time. The point is... I am pretty excellent at singing. When I got 100% on a song on Medium, Honey G moved me up to Hard. And I was pretty awesome on Hard, too! Now, I'm not on Expert yet... oh but I will be!

I find that for people who don't have experience in chorus or musicals or leading a band, singing can be embarrassing. Is it because we can't hear exactly what we sound like? Did we all have someone in the past tell us that we suck? The interesting thing is that I LOVE listening to people sing now. When Jips sings (he's had voice training and musical experience but still...) when he sings I find it so hot. I want to jump in his pants. And when my college roommates came to visit and they sang on Rockband I LOVED their voices too.

but singing is about sexual confidence
so sing out your stuff
if you feel good enough
to let the moment just hit you,
if the music befits you
-Hawksley Workman
"Paper Shoes"

G-skoo

Do you remember that blog on Wordpress, 'Stuff White People Like' that Peach-Bone mentioned a while back? I remember seeing an interview with the guy that makes the blog... He said the whitest band is Vampire Weekend, and the whitest movie is Juno.

Juno comes out on video today. And this weekend I bought two tickets to see Vampire Weekend. Upon further thought about the SWPL blog, I realized that I am very white, but I am white and uncool, and that is why most of the stuff doesn't apply to me. I did a google search to find the SWPL blog again and I found some other kid's blog: I'm pretty sure we've heard this one before. Apparently it is by some cat named John who has an odd obsession with Cmah. Cmah is Asian I think. John and Cmah have the usual man-love thing going on that alot of guys have. So anyway John did this post about SWPL and then he and his friends went on and listed all of the "stuff" and decided if it applied to them. Let's look at how I stack up:

* #82 Hating Corporations: No. I love corporations. Seriously.
* #81 Graduate School: I'm in G-skoo. (1)
* #80 The Idea of Soccer: Sure. (2)
* #79 Modern Furniture: Lame.
* #78 Multilingual Children: Planning on having a Hispanic nanny. (3)
* #77 Musical Comedy: boring.
* #76 Bottles of Water: I like tap.
* #75 Threatening to Move to Canada: it's too cold
* #74 Oscar Parties: no.
* #73 Gentrification: maybe (3.5)
* #72 Study Abroad: I love America. I never want to leave.
* #71 Being the only white person around: no.
* #70 Difficult Breakups: No.
* #69 Mos Def: I didn't even know who he was until he was in a film with Jack Black. I can pass on Mos Def.
* #68 Michel Gondry: who is this?
* #67 Standing Still at Concerts: I like to move ever so slightly.
* #66 Divorce: no!
* #65 Co-Ed Sports: I prefer not to sweat in front of boys.
* #64 Recycling: YES! (4.5)
* #63 Expensive Sandwiches: no thanks, I'll eat my yogurt and blueberries from home.
* #62 Knowing What’s Best for Poor People: I try not to think about them.
* #61 Bicycles: They seem scary to me now.
* #60 Toyota Prius: Ken has one, and it is kinda cool. But I want a hybrid convertible. (5)
* #59 Natural Medicine: no. drug me up and knock me out.
* #58 Japan: I love America, not Japan.
* #57 Juno: I wish I was Juno. (6)
* #56 Lawyers: are lame.
* #55 Apologies: I'll avoid talking to people if I can help it.
* #54 Kitchen Gadgets: STOP GIVING THEM TO ME STEP-MOTHER-IN-LAW!
* #53 Dogs: I LOVE DOGS! (7)
* #52 Sarah Silverman: who?
* #51 Living by the Water: I never have, although it could be nice. (7.5)
* #50 Irony: I'm not sure how this applies.
* #49 Vintage: I'll pass. I like Natalie-Dee T-shirts though.
* #48 Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops: No.
* #47 Arts Degrees: I'm more into Basic Sciences.
* #46 The Sunday New York Times: Why did this make the list?
* #45 Asian Fusion Food: I don't like Asian Food.
* #44 Public Radio: We only listen to Angry-White-Boy around here.
* #43 Plays: I'd rather be walking my dogs.
* #42 Sushi: No.
* #41 Indie Music: Not because it is indie (8)
* #40 Apple Products: I'm anti apple.
* #39 Netflix: No
* #38 Arrested Development: I don't approve. I am pro-development. Apparently it is funny. I haven't seen it.
* #37 Renovations: Pain in the ass.
* #36 Breakfast Places: I'll pass, thanks.
* #35 The Daily Show/Colbert Report: I don't stay up that late.
* #34 Architecture: huh?
* #33 Marijuana: No
* #32 Vegan/Vegetarianism: No
* #31 Snowboarding: I avoid cold things.
* #30 Wrigley Field: I am against baseball
* #29 80s Night: I love 80's music. but the people that would attend 80's night annoy me.
* #28 Not having a TV: we have more TVs than people in my house.
* #27 Marathons: I don't think they are healthy.
* #26 Manhattan (now Brooklyn too!): too expensive for me.
* #25 David Sedaris: who is this?
* #24 Wine: I don't drink. But I like white wine sauce. (8.5)
* #23 Microbreweries: no. Gay.
* #22 Having Two Last Names: I have one last name. And one ex-last-name.
* #21 Writers Workshops: No.
* #20 Being an expert on YOUR culture: no.
* #19 Traveling: No. I like staying home.
* #18 Awareness: only of me and nice things. I don't want to know about problems. (9)
* #17 Hating their Parents: no
* #16 Gifted Children: I am one. (10)
* #15 Yoga: Too Slow
* #14 Having Black Friends: the black girls would rather hang out with other black girls and not me. :(
* #13 Tea: at times. (10.5)
* #12 Non-Profit Organizations: indifferent
* #11 Asian Girls: indifferent
* #10 Wes Anderson Movies: I don't know who this is.
* #9 Making you feel bad about not going outside: I don't care if you go outside or not.
* #8 Barack Obama: I don't know. I'd vote Hillary before him. *gasp*
* #7 Diversity: it looks good on paper, but not one of my passions.
* #6 Organic Food: no.
* #5 Farmer’s Markets: only in Louisiana. (11.5)
* #4 Assists: Is this a religion about Ass?
* #3 Film Festivals: I don't have time for them.
* #2 Religions their parents don’t belong to: I like religions. (12.5)
* #1 Coffee: Only Diet Soda for me.

So that is it. My score 12.5/82
I am 15.24% white.
84.76% Uncool.
I gave myself 1 point for each (Yes), 0.5 points for (Maybe/Sometimes) and 0 points for (No).

this I know ... for the Bible tells me so

Can you see this dead baby bird? He is really small. (You can tell because of the size of the blades of grass.) I found him on a dog walk because Dog 2 pooped right next to him! I think dead birds are really neat because you can finally see them up close. I just thought I would share.

Jips and I saw Horton Hears a Who last weekend. It was very well done, I recommend that everyone go to see it.

The main message of the film was this: If you believe in something you should say what you believe and stick to it. When the situation arises where Authority and/or The Masses give you the choice of
(a) sticking to your belief and facing persecution
or
(b) denying your belief
you should choose (a). I found this message to be very disturbing. I know that the message has the best of intentions but I believe that there are cases where you should take choice (b) and deny your belief. The film's message is too black and white, and in real life, gray will get you further.

Example 1.0 : Let's assume you believe your boss is an immoral idiot, but the boss likes you. It is smarter to not tell anyone what you really think of your boss.

Maybe that isn't the exact same type of case.

Example 2.0: Let's say you are a young girl in Bible school. You believe that Jesus is a hoax. The teacher wants everyone to sing Jesus Loves Me. You could (a) throw a fit, cry, etc. refuse to sing because Jesus is fake and the Bible school teacher is trying to trick everyone, or you could (b) sing the song.

In my experience, singing Jesus Loves Me went against what was in my heart, but it would have been a smarter political move than crying and telling my Bible school teacher that I hated her because she was trying to trick me into believing in Jesus.

So how should we choose our battles as adults? How many things can we lie to Authority about before we start to become the person we are pretending to be? Is this the start of a double life? Or is it just what normal people do all the time?

A Room of My Own

My kids wrote a descriptive essay describing their bedrooms. It was interesting--after I finished reading them all, I thought about how most teenagers have a little kind of cool haven where they hunker down to live out the droning lonely complicated time that is high school. It's also a place where you shamelessly put all of your identity onto your wall--or the identity you either think you should have or that you want.

The kids all called this room "theirs" and "the only place I own in the house" even though that's a straight up lie because they're all 14 and jobless. But it's like they need a little safe space to curl up because they're not quite ready to not be a kid and it's like their rooms are outside reality.

It made me think of a few things.

1. When I was a teen, I didn't spend time in my room except to sleep, and I shared it with my sister. I tried putting things up on the walls and on a shelf, but it never looked all that great and it never felt like the stuff reflected my personality very well. I carry these same Feng Shui insecurities into adulthood. Also, I was envious of people with cool rooms--I can remember one friend in middle school just had a shitty little room with a daybed, an old dresser, and two desks, but her room felt like her--a whirlwind of life, busyness, and cool people. And boys. And then there were the people with the artsy rooms. I still envy them. But I do have a nice yellow living room, at least.

2. I'm curious about other couples who live together. What happens when you go from having two rooms to one? My boyfriend and I now share a room that's pretty much a bed, night tables, bookshelf, and a dresser (with paint and pictures). But I have all my clothes in the guest bedroom because I get dressed early in the morning, and he's got his computer and music stuff in this room thing that we call "the office." So we still have our own spaces, in a way. What do other people do?

3. Does this my-room-as-my-little-haven thing go away as we get older? Do we start to deal with life in a way that we don't need to curl up with our band posters and YA series praying that we're not boring but we're not the only ones like us? Maybe homes start becoming more like places to relax than hide or escape.

I still like band posters and YA series, though.

From the Road

Hey everyone. I wanted to make a quick post from the road so you all wouldn't think I had abandoned you. I'm in Sarasota, Florida currently, where we just played a show at the New College. Next stop is Shreveport on Monday. The past week has been a mess of people, music, cats, and a lot of driving.

I think I caught up on everyone's posts since I left. I've definitely been experiencing some interesting gender dynamics on this tour. I've been spending all of my time with the guys in the band and the guys that we're touring with. Not really knowing them very well at all prior to this trip, I can definitely say that they have all exceeded the admittedly low expectations that I hold for the male species. They have all been super respectful and amazing, and I've felt really comfortable spending time with them and building friendships. We are able to build a relationship with one another through playing music, traveling, eating, sleeping, and generally spending a ton of time with each other. The connection seems almost familial. I feel like this sort of platonic relationship is possible and works really well because it has a goal, and that goal doesn't involve sex. We're getting to know each other and developing friendships because it helps us function better as a band/tour buddies. Of course, my sexual preference comes into play in keeping the feelings platonic. It definitely changes the dynamic from my perspective in that I don't consider them as potential mates and therefore don't inject any sexual tension into my end of the equation. Of course, the guys in my band know that I have a girlfriend, but I haven't really talked about my sexual preference with the guys we're touring with. I've felt like I've been treated pretty similarly by both groups of guys. I even had to share a hotel room with the guys we're touring with and one of my bandmates, and the vibe was totally comfortable. It's a good situation and I hope that it stays this way.

In response to Fermi's comment, I totally agree with you about our friendship fostering a sisterly connection between us. In general I draw a pretty strong distinction between friendship feelings and sexual feelings. And I think that it's important to try and respect friendships.

Wow, I am way too tired to continue blogging.